To “Let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

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When I sat down today to write my blog I hadn’t quite expected what was going to come up. Life has a funny way of revealing itself to you at the most opportune and serendipitous moments. As I read the affirmation today I can recall past conversations especially about my last relationship. I can hear myself saying “I regret convincing myself that I didn’t want to have children” when deep down I discovered I would have welcomed being a mum with open arms. I have caught myself saying “ I regret not loving myself enough to leave a relationship that was not in alignment with who I was” A lot of bloody regret right there I reckon and judging by the way my stomach is churning whilst I am writing, I am gathering it doesn’t do a whole lot for your cellular body either.

When I go into my heart space it simply makes me feel sad and justifiably so. This has been an issue that with time and healing is one that has unmistakably allowed me to grow in so many other areas of my life. What I have come to terms with is that I may not be a biological mum in this time and whatever will be simply will. In the process I love and embrace my role as Zia to my kooky, inspiring, compassionate and amazing nephews and nieces.

So for me now it is all about perception and truly not feeling regret for past decisions. Even as I type the word regret the vibration feels shitty and dull. Instead what I opt is to fully embrace the lessons and amazing experiences that I have been able to delve into because of a relationship that did not serve me.

Whether or not I am a biological mum in this lifetime is irrelevant, rather for me it is about the love that I am able to share with others is most prevalent. I have worked in child protection over my community services career. There have been plenty of children who are born to parents who simply through lack of love of self cannot love another and this is truly sad. I know now through the learning of relationships that didn’t serve me I have a lot of love to give. So how can I have regret when I have learnt to love without conditions?

Whilst this one has been a tough and sad lesson for me that I am embracing the silver lining. It is about teaching and inspiring others to fully feel into their heart space and to be in relationships where love is unconditional. For unconditional love is the purest love of all and once you have discovered that love for yourself you are only able to attract the same. To “Let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. Blessed be and so it is so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE love

Sonia

xx

 

72. I am far more than other people’s opinions. My opinion of myself is the one that counts.

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I love the age old saying “what others think about me is not of my business”. It sounds so simple, but yet we tend to get caught up in our egos. For such a long time I truly gave a f*&K about what others thought or said about me. Now I couldn’t care less. Not because I am arrogant or self-centred but simply because I recognise that their perception is a reflection of their world. At 41 years young I have the wisdom to know the difference. Trust me it hasn’t always been this easy or simple for me. There were times in my life where I just wanted to be loved and accepted and would worry and care about what others thought and said. Now I figure if somebody is taking the time to “talk about me” even if it is not in the most desirable of ways then I must be pretty significant for them to putting their energy into it. All about perception I reckon.

It is when we are down and out about ourselves that the options of other can either exacerbate or alleviate our feelings, good bad or indifferent. It is the relationship that we have about our self that is the most important. We are only able to feel the negative impact of another opinion if we in fact have that opinion about ourselves

I have accepted and now love my inner “crazy\weird”. There was a time that I was so embarrassed and ashamed about having a mental health issue that I would avoid it at all costs. Now I am loud and proud about it because I embrace and love my “crazy\weird”. I am happy to admit that at times there is “Little Miss Psycho” that resides within me. She is certainly much more tamed these days but Little Miss Psycho is a part of me that I have learnt to love and totally embrace. She is the part that has allowed me to dig deep and discover my creative flair that I love to express.

With this experience has also come a “shitload” of lessons. Sure it is about the stigma that is attached to mental illness, but it so much more and quite frankly I don’t really care about the “story” any more. What I love most is how the experience has enriched my life and fulfilled a part of me that I never knew existed. So we have a choice about others opinion. We can either get pulled into the drama of it all or not give a rats and focus on the amazing relationship with ourselves, because who we are is a reflection of what is around us.. I am far more than other people’s opinions. My opinion of myself is the one that counts. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxox

71. I open my heart to more love every day.

10678814_842985172415261_342011186849713926_nWhen I sit and reflect about what the affirmation means for me today the first thing that comes to mind are the relationships that I have had with men in the last twenty or so years. I could sit here and say that they have been a string of “bad luck”. Instead I choose to connect to them from a different perspective and know that they have in fact been my greatest teachers and taught me some pretty big lessons in life. I have had two main loves in my life and seeing as my “status” is single clearly they haven’t worked for me. Now it would be easy to go a “man bashing” rampage but that doesn’t really float my boat. Men are equally as beautiful as women and we attract what we need to learn from each relationship we encounter.

Yes I am an independent self-sufficient woman but that does not mean that I don’t desire a relationship with the perfect partner. I have been happily single for the last two and half years and yes there are times where I crave male company but there is nothing worse about being in a relationship and being lonely. I have had a few interesting encounters with men over the last few years and each have allowed me to grow and learn that little bit more. There is not necessarily good or bad instead it is what we take away from each experience that matters the most.

I know there are parts of me that still at times feel inadequate, not good enough blah blah blah but it is all a story that I am not really interested in talking about anymore. So when I reflect on opening my heart to more love yes it is about attracting the perfect partner but also about loving myself including the parts that don’t at times feel loveable.

At times we attract some not so nice relationships. This is simply because we ourselves are not such in great places. I know the insecurities that played out in my relationships were in fact the insecurities that I needed to identify within myself, to be acknowledged and finally healed. That doesn’t mean that one day I woke up, waved a magic wand and abracadabra it was all gone. Far out it has been a work in progress and still is.

I would love nothing more than to share my life with a beautiful life partner that has the same values and desires as I do. That being of service is one of importance, to live from a compassionate, kind, heart and to love unconditionally. I truly don’t believe I have known that love before. That is simply because I have never had the love for myself so how can I expect that from another. So when I open my heart to more love, yes it is about loving and accepting myself but to say yes to love and to know that we are all imperfectly perfect just the way we are. I love love!  I open my heart to more love every day. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xx

70. In the infinity of Life where I am, all is perfect whole and complete.

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In life at times it seems that we always seem to be striving to something. When “this” happens we will do “that” or when we have that house, car, whatever life will be good. We tend to work on the exterior and superficial stuff more than we do our inner selves forgetting that we are the precious asset of all. Loving self and recognising that we are imperfectly perfect can be one of the toughest lessons that I have had to learn. There are times where I still treat myself harshly but the difference these days is that I recognise it.

How do we recognise when life is whole perfect and complete. For me it is about accepting each moment as imperfectly perfect no matter what the situation or outcome. As humans we make things right and wrong, we judge, berate and condemn ourselves and others, not the most loving way to live. What I have truly learnt in this lifetime is that my world is simply a reflection of what is going on for me. So rather than blame everything else I step back, take personal responsibility and understand that the pain, grief, sadness is perfect whole and complete. What it then does is allow the situation to be transformed into a life lesson where we can grow and learn.

For the last few months life for me has been chaotic, felt stressful at times and required a sense of faith and trust that I had not quite yet explored. I didn’t sit back with a daisy chain around my head wearing a peace sign (as much as I would have loved to) instead I learnt a lot of life’s lessons. I can now reflect and get that no matter where I am it is perfect and whole. It certainly didn’t feel like it at the time because as much as I wanted to be chilled out and cool I had an stirring restlessness about not feeling “good enough”, “incapable”, “rejected” as I was not getting work in the areas that I truly desired. So instead of loving myself as much as I perhaps would have liked to, I judged and condemned. Not a great move as I spent most of the time with flat energy and no desire to be around people.  Gotta love those lessons!

So today is an awesome reminder that where I am is exactly where I am meant to be. I know the universe orchestrates its synchronicity beautifully even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. Life is infinite and we are certainly here on earth for a short time. Why we make it so hard on ourselves is something that I can never quite understand? I certainly feel that the more we learn to love ourselves and embrace ALL of who we are the easier the lessons become. Our lessons are our life’s instruments to create the music to soothe our soul. Sometimes we need a friendly shove from the universe to remind us that we are imperfectly perfect just the way we are. In the infinity of Life where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE love

Sonia

xxo

69. This is a day of Divine inspiration for me.

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I turned 41 a few days ago. I love my birthday and always look forward to celebrating and of course eating cake. This year I spent it with my family and fairies in the park. It was a beautiful sun shining day and I ever so grateful for all the abundance that is bestowed in my life. This year I have begun a new tradition for myself. I have started a gratitude jar. It will remind me to write a note each day about what I am grateful for. It will then become a gift that I will receive on my birthday next year. My birthday was less than 48hrs ago and there is so much to be grateful for. If there was ever a time that I believed in divine timing this is one of them. I received great news about work yesterday and was offered a position.  I am beside myself with excitement to say the least!

So as I sat to write my blog today I reflected on the last couple of days and how inspiring they have felt for me. This is all good and well because it was my birthday, I received a job offer, and I have been around my beautiful family and friends so why wouldn’t I be inspired? What comes up more and more for me lately especially during these last few months is how do I feel inspired especially when and if I am not feeling it. This can be such a “big” question! It would be super easy to write about how I can be inspiring when I am feeling awesome but how does one find their magic when life feels challenging.

There was a statistic that I heard a few weeks ago and it continues to filter through my mind. Every 3.5 hours an Australian chooses to take their life. A statistic that sends shudders down my spine and one that I know puts a fire in my belly about changing the outcome of such a debilitating number. Don’t get me wrong I am all for positive affirmations and thoughts but when somebody is so enmeshed in their darkness how does inspiration become a part of their day when they can barely have a shower.

At the time of my own depression I did not have the awareness or the insight that I do now. What life teaches me is to pull together all the tools that I have accumulated along the way and do what works best for me at the time. What I do know is that if I am not connected to my heart space and live in my head then the potential to cascade into a plethora of darkness and doom can prevail. Depression is not wrong it is simply a place where we can learn, grow and tap into potential strength and courage that we may not have known existed.

For me Mother Nature would have to be one of the greatest gifts that I am able to receive. It is known that only 10 minutes of walking each day is the equivalent to an anti-depressant. I am not a medical expert and can only speak from experience. One of the first things I will do when I am in my head is to go for a walk and be in gratitude and admiration for the simple blessings that I am surrounded by. For me this is what shifts my energy and where I can be inspired by the force of nature. I don’t have answers for others; I am a believer that each person finds their own light in their own unique way. There is so much that I can write about this topic but for now it is about each step along the way is just as important as the desired outcome. Focus on how you want to feel each day and do what makes your heart sing, for when you are in your heart space you can be nothing but inspirational. This is a day of Divine inspiration for me. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xx

68. I am open and receptive to new avenues of income.

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This is certainly an affirmation that I am excited to write about. I know that it is an area of my life that has felt really overwhelming. Instead of writing about the lack of what has been happening I am going to begin to choose to create really different thoughts for myself. On the weekend I had some friends come and stay. We caught up and spoke about what has been happening in our lives. It wasn’t until one of my beautiful friends pulled me up and told me how much I made comment about “not working”.  I know that this has been on the forefront of my thoughts of late but had not realised how much of my precious energy it was actually consuming. I have so much to be grateful about! The abundance in my life is plentiful but yet there have been times where I have focused on what is not instead of what is.

Human beings can be such complex creatures and we often complicate things way beyond anything that is conducive. We tend to analyse the crap out of it and then we exhaust ourselves with our own thoughts. Far out I can feel the energy leave my body as I write about it! I had two separate conversations today and there was a common theme between them. I love the way the universe works and it was a solid affirmation that allowed my light to shine that little brighter.  So although the affirmation today is about being open and receptive to new avenue of income for me it is also about looking at my current situation in a completely different light. I can either see myself as “only working part time” or “just scraping by” but instead I can turn it around and really embrace the abundance and freedom of time where I can really explore any avenue I choose. I have known this on some level but the difference today was that I actually felt it and believed. Earth Angels do appear at the most opportune times and it totally helps when you are in the moment.

We are not meant to walk our path alone and that is why communities are created. Being connected and feeling a sense of belonging in paramount to our lives. So often we perceive our vulnerability as a weakness but instead it is such a leap to strength. I am so grateful for the conversations that I had today and especially to a friend who saw straight through “my bullshit” and took the time to find out to make sure I was OK. I was reminded to be in my heart space and to really listen and feel. It was just the message that I needed to hear and my energy restored to a place where I felt the magic appear.  I am open and receptive to new avenues of income. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xx

67. Today I do something that is different. I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way.

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Today 6 months ago our dear cousin chose to take her own life. It is a day that it etched into our lives forever.  Life doesn’t go on the way you knew it, it is different and you adapt to a new way of “normal”, whatever normal means anyway. I was feeling a little so I sat down to write. I noticed the date and realised that perhaps this was why I was feeling sensitive and allowed myself to just feel in that moment. So when I read the affirmation for today I thought of her and the lessons she continues to teach me.

For a long time I was really embarrassed and ashamed to speak about my diagnosis of Mental Illness. That was over 15 years ago. It has only been in the last few years that I have felt safe to speak about it. I didn’t want a label and It took me a long time for me to speak about it let alone admit it to anyone. There was a sense of shame and failure attached to it and it was something that I wasn’t proud of. I saw it as weak and not being “strong” enough to deal with life. What a crock of crap I had allowed myself to believe! It could not have been further from the truth. This experience in my life has truly shaped who I am and has taught me nothing but resilience and courage.

This morning I had a stern chat with “the universe” I asked very clearly and loudly to show and guide me to “how is it that I can be of service to the universe?” I know that my path and purpose is to be of service but how that is meant to be I am figuring out along the way. When I read the affirmation and thought about my cousin I know that I am meant to speak out about my cousin and my own experience of mental illness. No more hiding in the shadows.

What hits home the most about my cousin is that when I was in my deep darkness there was so many days, weeks, months where I felt that suicide would have been such a better option. So when I move out of my comfort zone today it is about speaking out about my own experiences, to know that there is a really fine line about being Ok and not. I am sure there is no coincidence that it is suicide awareness week this week and when I connect all the dots to the last few months I know that this is life purpose stuff.

There were so many times where I contemplated suicide and felt that it would have been such a “better” way. What was the difference between me and the countless others that made the choice to go that one step further? I don’t have those answers but what I do have is an experience and an amazing network of love and support that guide and love me unconditionally along the way. Today was another little push from the universe to steer me to where it is that I am meant to be.

For me it is not about “saving” people but rather a reminder that we are all a part of this amazing universe for a very short time. The importance of remaining connected, holding space and being there is what is most important. We all have our own unique journey and we can’t fix it for one another but we sure can shine our own light for one another and vice versa. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I didn’t know and feel the love, support and commitment that my family had for me. It could have been very different had I not felt that way. My gratitude for them is eternal.

So when I refer to moving out of my comfort zone today it about speaking about my truth. Sure I have spoken about mental illness before but I know now it is time for me to be more open about the depths of darkness. It is not about the “story” rather it is to inspire and give courage for others to be in an authentic space and to feel safe to do so. May you always know that the light no matter how dim can always shine and always remember the darker the darkness the brighter the light. So from sorrow can come so much joy, trust me on that one. Today I do something that is different. I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Huge Love

Sonia

xoxoxox

66. It is Ok to be sad sometimes. Sadness is just another feeling. I allow it to be, and then it passes away.

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Sadness is a feeling that right now feels miles away as I get myself organised to go on a little getaway with my sisters and cousin to Queensland. I could write about how happy that it is making me right now and that sadness is far removed from my mind but that would make a contradictory blog. One of the reasons for the getaway is because there has been so much sadness this year and part of getting away is to have fun, be together and have some fun.

For me I know sadness all too well. Whilst I was in the midst of my depression over 15 years ago  it is something that I now have so much more awareness of and an aspect of my life in which I am truly grateful for. For me sadness and feeling flat is a part of my life that I have learnt to embrace, a space in which I am able to feel vulnerable and an experience that I am able to grow from.

A friend text me the other day and told me she “felt” me and that I was feeling sad. For me this is one of the greatest gifts that I am able to receive. Yes I was feeling sick and sorry for myself yet to know that there was another person that was happy to hold that space for me in my vulnerability allowed me to feel what it was that I needed to and move on from that feeling. It wasn’t about shoving it down and pretending that I was OK, rather it wasn’t about having courage and strength in my vulnerability to move through the feelings and process them the way that was beneficial to me.

Sadness is a feeling that we sometimes tend to shy away from. A feeling that at times we try to “snap out of” and one that tends to disassociate us from the rest of our world. It is a feeling that can have stigma attached to it and one that doesn’t always appear as acceptable from others. We all want to hang around happy uplifting people but yet we find it uncomfortable to sit with someone in their sadness. Now there is difference between negativity and sadness.  For me sadness especially this year has been one of the greatest gifts in which I have allowed myself to dig deep to what is truly important, to expose my vulnerability with those I trust and to gain insight and understanding to my shadow side.

Where sadness lies most for me is for my dear cousin who chose to take her life, not only for her but the countless others that felt that suicide was their only answer. It makes me sad that in a world where we are so many there can still be no connection that gives another individual enough courage to stay. Whilst there is sadness there is also an inner courage and strength to do more for others, to connect on levels that I haven’t before and to know and truly feel that we are all one, that we are connected. Whilst we celebrate each other with joy it is just as important to celebrate and be present in the sadness. It is Ok to be sad sometimes. Sadness is just another feeling. I allow it to be, and then it passes away.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

With HUGE love

Sonia

xxxx

65. I am open to new things. I keep my mind active and alive by exploring new frontiers. Such discovery keeps me mentally strong.

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There is a saying that I particularly love “If you have always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got”. For me today the affirmation is a reminder that I am completely where I am meant to be even if it has been totally out of my comfort zone.  I love to learn and in life when we are not in flow it is certainly time to just stop, reflect and explore new avenues and possibilities.

An aspect that keeps coming up for me and one that I continue to learn and explore is our own shadow, that we are the creator of our own story and what has been presented to us. For me this has been one of the most liberating ways to take on situations and to find a new freedom in which I am able to deal with situations and people.  Stubbornness, hanging onto stuff and the need to be right are parts of my life that are of lower vibration for me. For me it is far more beneficial to take personal responsibility for what has occurred and an opportunity to do things differently. It is so easy to blame and to think that you have been wrong done by another. To actually take a step back and reflect why that situation was presented to you to begin with is such an act of freedom and is truly healing.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am human and I don’t sit cross legged and hum “om” when shit goes down. In fact I can at times be a complete raving lunatic and I am happy to own it. On the flipside I know that I am also a kind, huge hearted and compassionate being. This is the beauty of our shadows and as they come up so we can address them and flip them around.  So when I reflect on my blog and the reason I write for myself and others it is also about having an open heart and to come from a place of compassion.  I am ALWAYS open to new things especially when life isn’t flowing with ease and grace.  I have had road blocks and have not had the outcomes that I had perceived. It’s taken me a bit to get to this place and not something that I have done on my own. Having a tribe around you that feels and knows you well enough when you are not ok is a gift that is truly priceless and where unconditional love truly resonates.

So right now I am brainstorming and checking out new areas of life that put a fire in my belly. I am exploring opportunities that I had not considered previously and my outlook feels fresh and exciting. What felt like panic and anxiety, I now feel a sense of relief and passion that everything is possible and the universe is filled with infinite possibilities and potential. The process has been interesting and took a whole lot of digging and knowing that there is so much strength to be gained when we expose our vulnerabilities. I am open to new things. I keep my mind active and alive by exploring new frontiers. Such discovery keeps me mentally strong.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With HUGE love

Sonia

xxx

 

64. Loving myself gives me the extra energy to work through any problem more quickly. My life is a labour of love.

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Loving ourselves, the lesson that comes up time and time again and just when I think I got it, something else comes up for me. That doesn’t mean that there is failure, it simply means that we are a work in progress and each step is towards our infinite potential and possibilities that expand each time. I went to bed last night with a bit of a cold. I woke at 2:00am this morning and felt like I had blades in my throat. More than anything I was annoyed that I was sick, again!

So when I looked at the affirmation today I was still annoyed as clearly the amount of times that I have been sick this year indicates that I do not love myself enough to be well. It is not even about drinking or consuming things that are healthy for us instead emotionally I know that my thoughts have not always been loving and gentle. In the last 6 or so months I have had a cold eat at least once a month and I know it is because of the way I have been dealing with my emotions or rather the way I haven’t been. There has been a lot of grief but amongst it there have been lots of lessons that I have learnt.

The gifts of grief and sadness is really learning and feeling the value of the life in which we live and how important each moment matters. As I sit at my computer with a very snotty nose and congested head the last thing I feel like doing is writing about the loving energy that I have for myself.  What I do know it is these moments that are about digging deep, finding the lessons and really learning from them. If we are not learning to love the glorious mess that we are then we are not truly living.

I just spoke to my dear cousin and we had a laugh in the most loving way about why I was sick yet again. I flicked through my health bible and read about colds – the words that stood out were “too much pressure to perform, scattered, refusing to listen to your body” Yup, Yup & Yup! What resonated most was my scattered energy and not being in the moment of life. Thinking, worrying too much and the irony is that I know all too well the detriment that it can cause. What I won’t do to myself is berate or judge my thoughts, feelings and instead I am sending them love. Of late my energy and direction was being consumed on stuff that does not serve my highest purpose. More importantly I am not entirely in the path of my purpose and being of service which is what is most important to me. Being stuck in your head space is crap and does not allow life to flow with grace and ease. So as much as I didn’t want to write I know that it has been a lovely lesson to just STOP with the scattered energy and be in the moment of now. To live life with a fierce loving open heart and not get caught up in the story in which I have created. Loving myself gives me the extra energy to work through any problem more quickly. My life is a labour of love.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With HUGE love,

Sonia

xxo