7. Don’t stop dancing in the darkness – Sonia

07. Sep
/
Sadness, Self Love, Self Worth, Shadow, Soul,
/
No Comments

Suicide awareness week is approaching. For those that know me will also know that suicide awareness and prevention is something that I am passionate about and also something that is very close to my heart. When I use the words passionate and suicide in the same sentence it almost feels wrong. I am not passionate about suicide; I do however feel very purposeful about making a difference and creating change in this area. Our country is in a national crisis and where do we actually start and how do we actually make a difference. I don’t have the answers and I haven’t quite worked it out yet but what I do know is that connection and community are paramount.

A friend messaged me yesterday. She was angry at hurt about an incident that had occurred at her workplace. A colleague of hers was visibly upset as he had just heard the news of someone that had recently completed suicide. She felt horrible, angry and sad as she processed that yet another life has been lost to suicide. What was more startling for her is that he sat at his desk and cried, nobody seemed to be comforting him. Nobody around him at that time seemed to know what to say. Fortunately or not my friend has the inner resources to have a courageous conversation and talk about suicide. I have reflected a few times about what she has told me and at first I judged the others who simply couldn’t be present for another human being. Talking about suicide isn’t about unicorns and rainbows; instead it is real and raw and can be uncomfortable and tough.

I pray that we get to a point that we no longer have to talk about suicide because it simply doesn’t happen but until then we may need to find an alternative approach. When I feel into what suicide prevention and awareness means to be right now it is about having real and raw conversations. Too often we are told to “be strong”,” be grateful” or whatever positive affirmation it may be. Sometimes it is OK to just feel the shadows and process what needs to be. We avoid our darkness mostly because it frightens us. Our minds take over and we can spiral quickly if we don’t have the tools. What if we could simply be honest about what it means to feel dark and how much it hurts right now, opposed to scrambling up a strategy to make everything OK? What if the darkness that presents is perfect because that is the channel for growth?

I don’t proclaim to have it all worked out; in fact the last few months have been somewhat of a shit storm with the intensity of emotions that have transpired. This is life and we aren’t meant to do it on our own. We are meant to share and not from a place of shame or fear rather than from a place of courage, love and compassion for ourselves and others. It is the only way that we can truly support one another and show up exactly as we are in whatever moment that be. So in light of suicide awareness week let’s be real, raw, show up and create the change we wish to see in the world. #connect2createchange#

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

Sonia xxxo

24. Relationships are like assignments. – Marianne Williamson

I was reading one of my old time favourites – A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. It is one of the books that I can pick up at any given time and flick it to a page and read what I am meant to for that particular time. When I read the line it certainly grabbed my attention. The word assignments felt like a task or perhaps it was just the way I was feeling at the time. This got me feeling and thinking that if I felt like the word assignment was a task how was I viewing the relationships that I was currently in?

A few nights ago my partner and I were lying on the couch and in the distance I could hear what sounded like screaming. We live on a sometimes busy road so I didn’t take too much notice at first. Then the voice became relentless so we went across the road. We weren’t sure if we were entering an argument but as we approached it appeared there was a break up happening. The young girl was quite upset to the point of being hysterical. I offered her a hug but she declined and the screaming continued for a little while. I couldn’t help but think and feel about the situation and her distress. She has been in my thoughts not because I wanted to help or save her but because of my own past. In my 20’s when the marriage I was in ended, I didn’t know how to cope. They say the world is a reflection of you, so it did bring me back and how little is any self-worth I had at the time. I am not passing any judgement on the couple or the situation they were in rather an opportunity to reflect and learn.

The quote “relationships are like assignments” allowed me to reflect on my own relationship not with my partner but with myself, the most important relationship of all. I looked inside of myself and thought about my 26 year old didn’t know what self-worth was nor did she understand anything about self-love. It didn’t mean that I went back there to relive the experience rather to know that relationship with self it an area of our lives that we always must work on. We can’t expect others to make us happy nor can we depend on external circumstances to keep us fulfilled and happy.

This is not to say that connection isn’t necessary and paramount for us to live meaningful lives. Instead it is to say that the connections and relationships that we do have are ones that are built on integrity, authenticity and the absolute freedom to be whoever we need to be in this world of ours. To the young girl that was clearly distraught thank you for reminding me just how important loving self in all aspects is absolutely necessary. For her the journey of self-love and worth may have just begun, I don’t really know I can only stipulate. Each of us has our own paths to follow and assignments to fulfil. For me right now it is a reminder that my own relationship with self has room to grow, it always does, we are always learning. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia xxo

23. If you want to see the love of your life, look in the mirror.

I came across this quote this morning and it struck a chord for a number of reasons. The most important relationship that one can have is with oneself and yet as humans we often put ourselves last. We tend not to look after ourselves well, we eat the wrong foods, and we indulge in things that do not make us feel good. We engage in conversations that leave us feeling drained and sometimes have relationships that are not in our alignment. Sound ridiculous but time and time again it happens.

When I read the words, “love of your life” the first thing that came to my mind was about being in relationship. So clearly this is where I have been going wrong! The love of my life has to be me first and foremost and then the rest will just fall into place, so it seems. Sounds so simple, yet it would have to be one of the hardest life lessons that I am still learning. Life is a work in progress. Having been in two long term relationships in the last 20 odd years has certainly shown me that I have not put myself first. The past is just that and there is no point in dredging it up other than to learn from what we have experienced.

Having been single for the last 5 or so years you reckon I may have learnt something by now. This time has certainly given me the space and energy to work on the love of my life, which by the way I now have discovered is me. I have certainly realised and understood the importance of self-love and take very active steps to nourish this relationship. What I also know is that this took me a very long time to understand. It was only because I hated so much of myself that I realised and understood how much of me there was to love. This evidently wasn’t something that I learnt overnight. It has been something that I continue to work on. I validated my love and worth through relationships and was measured by how much a man loved me. This by the way wasn’t a hell of a lot so you can imagine how high and established my self-worth was. By the way we teach people how to treat us, so my level of self-esteem was only mirrored by the relationships that I was in.

So in reflection I know that this is a reminder to keep my heart open. To live my life from my heart space and to remain connected to myself and others for this is living with a purpose. To truly feel and recognise that I am worthy and deserving of love. To honour and feel that my heart is open to receiving love gracefully and unconditionally. If you want to see the love of your life, look in the mirror. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE
Sonia

xoxoxo

21 “Flow to where the soul knows” Sonia

I was doing some reading at work today. There are days when I can read information and it simply filters in and out. Today I came across a statistic that has sat with me for most of the day. It read that 58% of people that complete suicide do not have a mental illness. Suicide awareness and prevention is an area of my life that I am passionate about personally and professionally. Some days it feels like there is so much to do on such a great scale. There was dialogue that took place and I must admit I felt defeated and tired by this national crisis that we are all facing. I got home and this statistic still stirred through my mind. These are the days when I find that writing is most important. If I walk around feeling defeated the energy that I carry will reflect this. I may as well quit.

What this statistic also tells me is that there are so many people that are suffering in silence. I have worked in the area of mental health for the last three or so years. I have also had a history of mental illness so this has been the area in which my attention has been directed. I was jolted to a different place today and really felt that there is so much more to do in this space. People complete their lives for so many reasons. The reasons are far and few between and I am by no means a health professional or expert in this field. However what I do know is that there is a lack of connection, resilience and hope when an individual feels that this is the only answer.

I don’t have the answers nor do I profess to know them. What I do know is that we all have a personal responsibility not only to ourselves but to each other. Self-love and worth is still an area that is overlooked. Instead we tend to focus on the “stuff” that in the end doesn’t matter. Basic community and humanity seems to get lost along the way. The statistics tell us that as a country this is a crisis, so clearly something isn’t working.

It saddens my heart to know that there are so many individuals that have felt that suicide is the answer. I know this feeling all too well and feel so passionate about making a difference and creating change. It all starts within us. It is in our everyday actions and the way we treat each other. It is our responsibility towards one another and where loyalty and respect is paramount. It is a knowing that every action has a reaction so it is our own choice on where we choose to direct this energy. No I physically can’t stop someone from suicide and it is not my job to save anyone. Instead what I can do is change the way I look at things. I especially love the quote which I have commented on so many times before. The late Dr Wayne Dwyer states “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” How are you choosing to see the world? Flow to where the soul knows. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle fo fiary dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxoox

2. Blame is a neat little device that you can use whenever you don’t want to take responsibility for something in your life. It is the refuge of the externally oriented person.

Today I am writing from the calendar Every day Wisdom by Dr. Wayne D Dyer. I still am so saddened by his passing, especially because he was on my bucket list to meet. I could certainly blame him for dying or I could actually work on my bucket list rather than it being just a list in my home. The theme of personal responsibility has come up a lot for me especially in the first few weeks of the New Year. It is like the universe tried to cram as many life lessons as they could in the first few weeks juts to make sure that I got the message. I am hearing it loud and clear! So as I flicked the calendar to the date for today I felt compelled to write about this very issue that has been gnawing at me for weeks.

I have been dealt some really shitty behaviour in the last couple of weeks. It has been a crescendo of events that have eventually come to a head and the lesson is rewarding. However the action of another is simply disloyal and disrespectful. I am learning and as I like to see it a work in progress. I truly believe that we always continue to evolve and learn. I could certainly sit here and write 500 words about the actions of another person and their shitty behaviour and it may possibly make an interesting read. Instead I am learning the lesson and truly moving on. What is different this time for me is that I am learning about compassion for myself.

What I do know is that this behaviour that has been presented to me has happened for some time. Whether it has been from a partner, relative, friend, boss or colleague, I have allowed it to occur time and time again. I have felt compassion for the other person and understood that I have attracted that behaviour for a reason. I have also felt compelled to understand that the behaviour is not personal rather an indication of their own self-worth. I could go on and on but you know what I am boring myself with the story. I am done! Fuck off with your “need” to manipulate to make yourself feel better. My boundaries of self-worth and compassion far outweigh your insecurities and it is game over.

For me this has been a reoccurring pattern. It has been ever so subtle that at times I hardly recognised what was happening. Until it smacked me in the face and I was left with “are you kidding me?” My biggest lesson is that I have allowed this to happen for such a long time that I would rather send love and compassion for another being than deal with my own stuff of self-worth and compassion. Whilst I can still be loving and compassionate I no longer will allow my precious source of energy to be consumed by such distaste of behaviour. Energetically I have removed myself and funnily enough when I was saw the individual in question not even a salutation was exchanged on their part. I often ask the universe for those that are in their highest integrity to share my path so I know that they heard my prayer. I don’t blame the other person rather I can now thank them with love and compassion for the lesson I have been shown but the difference is I have now disconnected from them. Their healing is their own personal responsibility, not mine. Our paths may still continue to emerge for one reason or another but my own boundary of compassion of love for self is about standing in my own power of truth and integrity. I take back my power. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxoxo