2. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you

19. Apr
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Change, Feelings, Harmony, Home,
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No Comments

I have been blogging on and off for the last 8 or so years. Writing for me is a place where I feel that I can truly come home to express and process. It has taken me a while to want to start writing again as the last 12 or so months I had been very disconnected. Was this fun? NO! Was it exactly what I potentially needed to get to the change that was required? ABSOLUTLEY YES! What I do know is that through these times of disconnect, writing was probably the last thing that I wanted to do. I did some journaling on some occasions but for the most part I had very little energy to partake in anything.

I have questioned and wondered whether or not I continue with my blogs and for now I have come to the conclusion that I will. For me it is an opportunity to connect with others and perhaps for another to not feel so isolated in their thoughts and emotions. When I came across the quote that I wanted to write about I almost didn’t because at times I feel that there is a lot of toxic positivity that we tend to swirl around in. Trust me I know this process all too well as I was the queen on wanting to turn every negative interaction or experience into a positive one. I even blogged about it for 365 days in earlier years.

So what has changed? Everything and nothing! Everything that we once knew has been turned inside out in the last couple of years. I was saying to a friend earlier, just as you feel that one layer has been exposed and you have time to heal and ground, there is another challenge and opportunity that presents. I feel that these days the lessons tend to come in thick and fast and in polarity they can move on just as quickly. What I know to be true is what is alive in my world. What is in yours is different and we have truly become our own teacher. I question all I have learned along the way and now make decisions from this space, time and knowing. It is uncovering the depths of the shadow so that it can fully be transmuted to light. What we continually uncover and learn about the world that we exist in can at times be unsettling. Now more than every community and connection is paramount.

So whatever it is that may or may not be challenging in your world right now, you don’t have to put a positive spin on it right away. You don’t have to send it love and light you don’t have do anything but simply be you and know that in the challenge, there is growth however that may look. It’s time that we take reverence on the inner wisdom and connect to create the change we want to see and be in the world.

With a splash of mermaid magic and let unicorns lead your way.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia xxo

2. I release all guilt and emotional hurt. I am free.

I caught up with a friend while I was in Melbourne last week. Her brother passed away last year and her life has been turned upside down inside out in a way that she never imagined. We all deal with life differently. For now she is doing the best that she can with the challenges that she is experiencing. It is easy to be positive when life is going the way we would like it to be. But what about when life takes twists and turns and we are left in a place that we have never known before. Yes we have been told that every painful ending turns into a wonderful beginning but there is a lot of stuff that needs to happen before we get there. My friend and I chatted. We didn’t laugh and reminisce like we usually have; instead we sat in a place of our friendship that we have never been before. It was about being raw, vulnerable, and in an authentic space of pain and grief.

Would I have dared say to release your guilt and emotional hurt, you will be free. Not in a heartbeat. She is nowhere near ready to move on from the place that she is in and who am I to tell her otherwise. What we did laugh about was all the advice that she has been given to supposedly “move on” from where she is at. For now she is where she needs to be for her and her growth. That isn’t to say that it isn’t heart wrenching to see my once full of life, funny, animated friend in a way that I haven’t seen her before. What I do know is that I can simply be there and hold a space for her when and if she needs. I can’t take any of it away for her and a positive affirmation certainly isn’t going to fix anything.

So why am I choosing to write about positive affirmations about something that doesn’t feel positive at all. What I find to be true and real is the grace of how we deal with what is presented to us in life. How we overcome the obstacles that seem way too high at the time? Are we still kind and caring towards others? Or are we an angry asshole? It is all good and well to have positive affirmations floating around and sure I don’t disagree that a positive mindset is paramount to our lives. What I am most interested in is what happens when we are in the pits of our dismay, how do we respond to the world with the tools that we have? If there is no awareness to self or personal responsibility this process increasingly becomes more difficult and our “stuff” comes out in ways that is not healthy to self or those around us. So be and do what you need for you at the time and above all be kind. #2020#CREATE#connect2createchange#

With a splash of mermaid magic and let unicorns lead your way.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia xxo

8. The gifts of Imperfection – Brene Brown

13. Oct
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Beautiful, Blessings, Courage, Feelings, Gratitude,
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No Comments

I spoke to my uncle a few days ago for his birthday. Uncles are such cool characters in our lives and they offer you a unique relationship. My uncle reminded me to be grateful for what we have, that time is precious and all we have is this moment. Sure it is what we know but how much of it do we truly practise each and every day? I know that there are certainly times in my life where I live in my head and I really don’t take the time or energy to really feel into the simplicity yet complex components of gratitude.

I know that it was the perfect reminder for me as I have so much to be grateful for. What I also know is that when I live from my head life becomes exhausting quickly. I have started my own business and now work as a sole trader providing support services. Having only started my business 5 months ago it is certainly something that I tend to think about a lot. Life changes all the time and we are always unearthing aspects of self. I am grateful that I have a box of tools to balance out the emotions and let me tell you there has been many. There seems to be a theme of life being hectic at the moment especially in the last few months. By hectic I don’t mean in a super fun, social fairy kind of way. Instead they have been emotional, heavy, stressful, and anxious with plenty of tears being shed.

Has it been fun? Probably not. Has it been worth it? Absolutely. I would rather be going through the emotions rather than pretending that they don’t exist. Life can throw you some really full on lessons at times. It doesn’t mean we have to accept them with positivity and a bag of fairy dust. Quite the contrary it has to be transmuted to where it needs to go before we can understand the impact of what it means for us in our lives. I am by no means suggesting that we have a pity party but let’s meet what comes up with some passion and full responsibility of what we have created.

When we remind ourselves that all we have is this very moment nothing else should matter and all the stories can disperse. Great in theory but when we are in the midst of our own drama it doesn’t seem to be that easy. Instead what I do know now is what I continue to learn. Who we were even 6 months is perhaps different to who we are today. It can be scary and exciting at the same time. What I know now more than ever is the lessons seem to appear thick and fast and what matters most is how easily we let go of what no longer is necessary. To immerse in what we need to for the time and to truly find the gifts that have presented. It doesn’t mean that it is all pretty instead what we can do is embrace the space that is. To my dear uncle thanks for the gift of your wisdom and to truly feel that time is so very precious, gratitude is everything and all we have is now. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

Xoxo

4. Choosing to wade through the mud is often what bears the greatest gifts

23. Mar
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Awareness, Blessings, Connection, Feelings, Forgiveness,
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No Comments

I woke up thinking about my cousin Cathy this morning. She took her own life over 4 years ago. I think of her a lot, but more so in my times of shutdown or when I am feeling somewhat disconnected to myself. Her life continues to offer me hope and inspiration. You see I don’t really believe that Cathy wanted to die (she may have) we can never know for sure. But I truly feel she just wanted the pain to stop. What saddens me the most about her death is that in the depths of her darkness she didn’t reach out. Did she even know how? I have come to a place of forgiveness about this for myself but it is also what pushes me to create an impact about suicide prevention and awareness.

Loss of connection to self can be debilitating and for a long time I didn’t even know what that meant. Now I do and I know the difference but it doesn’t mean that I am never sad, grumpy, angry or flat. In fact this can be quite the contrary. In the last few weeks I have felt angry and defeated and haven’t necessarily been able to pinpoint it to a particular event or situation. Sure there are some instances and situations that may have triggered that emotion but I also know that it has presented to have a little dance with.

I am very blessed that the people in my life love me for who I am so I don’t have to pretend to be happy if I am not. They usually know as soon as I say hello that something is up. When I was chatting to a friend the other day who had been feeling in a similar way we also acknowledged the gifts that come from the disconnection. We are meant to experience all spectrums of life. It doesn’t mean we have to walk around being a grumpy ass hole but it is also important to be kind to the grumpy asshole that made an appearance. As much as I love unicorns and rainbows sometimes I just want to throw glitter in people’s faces that have pushed my buttons! As much as that would give me a giggle I know that is mostly about bringing it back to me. What part have I played to create this? What do I need to learn or let go of? Acknowledging and being in those moments is often part of the process for growth.

For now I know that action is important. Sometimes it is the simplest of moments that make a difference. Yesterday I watched a young toddler take pure delight in opening a lollipop and sucking it straight into his mouth. What joy! It is the connections that we weave that create the most magic. It is the conscious conversations and level of responsibility in all that we do that ultimately makes a difference. When we can appreciate our differences and have a common respect and loyalty for all humanity then ultimately freedom transpires. Choosing to wade through the mud is often what bears the greatest gifts. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxx

2. “Love thy Neighbour”

To say the last month or so has been an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. I haven’t had the energy nor have I felt very motivated to write. I know myself well so by not writing I am only doing myself a disservice. I noticed myself blaming others or situations about the way I felt, which is only a cop out for not taking personal responsibility. We create it all, the good, bad and all the rest in between. Sure there are times when certain situations can cause disharmony and conflict but ultimately the personal responsibility lies within each and every one of us.

Funny or not there was a recent complaint about where I live in regards to a BBQ that was at the front of the home. There was no communicating to me just a few emails about the removal of it with no rhyme or reason other than they were the rules. It triggered the F&*K out of me. At the time I couldn’t quite work out why it was making me so angry but the profanities that I verbalised were less than kind. Any kind of situation that triggers a response is a flag for me to sit up and notice. It was about freedom of choice, an injustice and speaking up with integrity.

In reflection what comes up is “love they neighbour” a simple commandment or life lesson. When we can’t be kind to our neighbour what chance do we have for the rest of the world. When we don’t have a moral compass or have a desire to be of service to humanity how we can possibly bring goodness to the world. Trust me I am no saint but you know what I own my stuff and take personal responsibility in the way I treat myself and the rest of the world. Bottom line we all have a personal responsibility to show up not only for ourselves but for the communities we live in. Our words and actions have a direct impact in the world we live in.

I could sit here and blog about nosy neighbours or about the systems in which we live. Quite frankly I am not interested in giving it any more energy. Instead what I can do is reflect and know that everything that happens for us and not to us. What I do know is that Mother Earth is in dire straits and harsh and cruel actions only create more of the same. So what I can do is focus on what changes I can bring not only to myself, but to my neighbours, my community and the world in which I live. I can’t change what others do nor do I want to, this is not my job. Instead what I can to is accept and choose what no longer serves me. I am responsible for the way I feel, do and act and my expectation is that those I surround myself with do the same, otherwise there is no growth and instead only more of the same. What I can admire is how the lessons do show up even when it is about a BBQ. “Love thy neighbour” and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

23. Oh the things that you find if you don’t stay behind – Dr Suess

25. Nov
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Abundance, Awareness, Feelings, Mind, Release, Responsibility,
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No Comments

Some days are just shit, there is no rhyme or reason it just is. Sometimes it is a cascade of events that lead you to the space and you can identify what is going on for you. Our minds can be complex as we unravel our perception of what is. For me one of the most important things that life has to offer is connection. Connection to self and others is what keeps us creative and alive. Well for me it does anyway. There are times when it doesn’t all flow and this is when it is time to stop and listen. I have been in an unusual space for a little while now. What I mean by unusual it is somewhere where I haven’t been before and a space that is being created. If we always do what we have always done we always get what we always got.

We don’t really get taught about these days nor do we celebrate them. In fact we tend to shy away from them and pretend that they don’t exist. We somehow only feel accomplished on the days we feel content and connected. What about the other days? At the moment I am not in paid employment. Often we define ourselves by the work that we do and the job in which we are employed. It is the reason we get up in the morning, spend most of our days there and our lives often revolve around weekends and time off work. This is perfectly OK if this is how we choose to live our lives. There is no better or worse it just is.

I turned 44 this year. I have worked in the community sector for most of my working life and I have always loved it. My last stint in Community Services was one that served me in ways that I did not expect. It doesn’t mean that it was good or bad it was simply an experience. What it did to was allow me to question life on a realm that I haven’t been before and as far as I am concerned for the better. Along with that has come some days and moments where I have questioned where I am at, revisited my purpose and shed a shit load of emotions that obviously had been sitting there ready to be released.

In the midst of that I have had to revisit a health issue which was unexpected. None the less I can either choose to go to a place that I have reverted to or I can go and be an uncomfortable mess for a while. So for now it is about digging that little deeper, reaching out that little bit more and unravelling the intricacies that life has to offer. Life presents and there are times where we need to be reminded of who we are and what we came here to do. To find the abundance and simplicity in what life has to offer is often the biggest treasure that we can acquire. To live from a place of trust, purpose and meaning is what defines us. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxox

12. I only own my mind – I am mine – Pearl Jam

A friend sent me this song this morning, the lyrics resonated and I connected with it. I am not sure why she sent it. There was no message just the song. I know and feel our connection beyond distance so I know that it was something that I needed to hear. I start a new job tomorrow and I am feeling beyond nervous. I was chatting to a friend yesterday and expressed that I was starting to feel anxious about it all. She reminded me to look at it as an exciting new chapter. So when I heard and felt the song this morning I felt that it was a little reminder to really be in the moment about the new chapter that I begin tomorrow. I am not a magician and nor do I have a magic wand to switch off my thoughts but what I can achieve is awareness.

As I write my blog for the day I am jolted into a different reality. I can hear the news about the chemical war fare in Syria. I am watching people being hosed down in an attempt to wash the chemicals in which they have been attacked with. I could go on and on about the pure injustice about the war that is happening and the suffering that our world goes through. I am not sure that it would actually achieve anything except more of the same energy that exacerbates injustice.

As the lyrics of the song indicate – I only own my mind [1]– I can only control what happens to my thoughts and words. I cannot and nor do I want to change the mind of others. That is not my job nor is it my business. I can only act in my highest integrity and come from a place of loyalty and respect in all that I do. For me the most significant reminder has been to really focus on what matters most. I can’t change the chemical warfare in Syria and nor can I do anything for the children that have been doused with chemicals. Feeling anxious or nervous about a new job now seems so irrelevant.

I am not indicating that feelings are insignificant. In fact we have to allow them to vibrate through our being. When we shove them down they eventually transpire into something, somewhere along our path. The stuff that is happening is Syria leaves me feeling broken and a little helpless about the world. There is so much that I do feel especially when I see children suffering. I feel the grief of not having my own children, I feel that no human being should ever have to be exposed to that level of suffering and I feel the injustice.

So for now I can make a choice to own my mind and thoughts. I can either spend the day in suffering about what the morning has presented with or I can create a different awareness and ensure that I am living love and peace in all that I do. I may not be able to stop the war but as the lyrics of the Pearl Jam resonate I can evoke for myself that “I was born and I know that I’ll die
the in between is mine – I am mine” – Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxox

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVho74SDOis

4. Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime – Bette Davis.

04. Feb
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Feelings, Love, Self Love,
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No Comments

I have been reflecting on pain and what that means especially in the last few days. I have been pondering this morning and felt an urge to write when I came across this quote. “Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime”. Perhaps I am still learning what love is. I know what it feels like to be loved by my family and closest friends but when it comes to relationships with men it is not something that I have always been able to reflect on with the fondest of memories. This isn’t a sob story on who did what because quite frankly that would bore the crap out of me. Instead it about acknowledging what was so I can move forward to what is.

We are so afraid of pain, being hurt, abandoned and don’t allow ourselves to be fully loved for who we are. We are frightened at the chance of our precious hearts being in anguish. I am not sure how much I resonate with the quote today, none the less it has allowed me to ponder what this means to me. This is my perspective and an area of my life that has had it great and not so great moments. Fortunately or unfortunately when it comes to love, men and relationships there has been more pain than not. Does this mean that I carry it for a lifetime or that it simply was and love is one the other side? For love is all there truly ever is. It isn’t about blaming rather acknowledging that I was also the creation of these stories. For me the most important relationship is the one that I have with myself. If I cannot love myself unconditionally then how can I expect this from someone else?

Unconditional love for self is something that I have learnt to give myself. I am happy being on my own. I have fought hard to be where I am today and it hasn’t been an easy or smooth ride. Would I change the pain? Not in a heartbeat. For when we hurt deeply we love even more. I was at a breakfast the other morning and the guest speaker spoke about her husband. The words reverberated through my body when she said, “I don’t need my husband, I want him” This was a turning point for me as I really felt what this meant. Have I been avoiding not being in pain opposed to rising and being in love?

I am certainly not professing to know the answers and all I can do is speak my truth. There is a saying that I particularly love. “We can’t write a new chapter unless we have turned the page” What if the new pages that we turned weren’t ones that were filled with trepidation and fear? What if the new story was one that we chose to live from a place of having an open heart and wanted to risk love more than pain? This isn’t just being in a romantic relationship but in all that we do. If we do not love from a loving place are we living at all? Blessed be and so it is so it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

3. Sometimes it is the most unlikely of encounters that bring us the deepest of connections. – Sonia Muraca

26. Jan
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Feelings, Life, Love,
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No Comments

A few years ago I met a beautiful woman at my local chemist. We connected and started chatting about life. I had been buying some bits and pieces for Cambodia and she had wanted to know more about the work that I was doing. I happily told her and she had asked if we could connect on Facebook. I often find that when I speak about Cambodia it is when I make the deepest of connections. Perhaps it is because I am completely in my heart space and it is simply felt between the exchanges of souls connecting. When I was in Melbourne a few weeks ago she helped me choose some medicinal items for my sore throat. We chatted briefly about our lives and we hugged before we left. Unknowingly this would be the last time that I saw her.

I found out yesterday that she has left this realm on earth. She was a young woman who died suddenly and I feel quite saddened by her passing. As I am sitting here and reading about her life I am reflecting what it is that I am feeling. I feel incredibly grateful that I connected with her. I feel the unconditional love and loyalty between humanity that we shared. When souls recognise one another there is feeling that brings you comfort and peace. I know that each time I saw her, this is how I felt. What it leaves me to ponder is how well do we love? How do we make each moment matter and what are we doing with our one precious life? I know that I make a conscious decision to do the best that I know how, but this has left me pondering somewhat.

Her life is not my story to tell and not what this blog is about. For me this is about honouring what I am feeling and allowing whatever is meant to come up will. I didn’t speak, nor did I see her every day but when we did, we connected on a soul level. We go through life just talking and doing but there can be little or no real union between each other. We can go through life being automated and barely notice what is real and what is not.

It brings me to the realisation that there is so much to do in our universe that matters the most. That we should take more risks, love more courageously and live more fiercely. That doing what we love is what is most important and how we loved others just as significant. That connection with humanity is what I love the most because it is this feeling that truly remains. Sometimes it is the most unlikely of encounters that bring us the deepest of connections. To you beautiful woman thank you for your beautiful heart and what you have taught me, may your wings soar you high. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

20. “Don’t let anybody walk through your mind with their dirty feet” – Ghandi

I heard this quote twice yesterday. When I heard it for the second time I really stopped to listen and feel what it meant for me. Earlier that day I had been listening to some radio station. They were talking about forgiveness. I almost changed it but something stopped me. The announcer explained that when we hate someone every day it requires a lot of effort and energy. The act of forgiveness happens once and we are done. Sounds pretty simple and it was definitely something that I needed to be reminded of. I am no angel, far from it. I am a human having a spiritual experience. I don’t love all the time but for most of the time I have an open heart. My blog is about writing with a compassionate heart even on the days when I don’t want to. These are the times when I need it the most.

So after having heard the quote twice and having listened to the story about forgiveness I figured there was certainly something that I needed to look into. There is no surprise that someone from my past surfaced and had been only what they can be. Being compassionate also means that the other party is doing the best that they can and they are in their own process of healing. Look if you had of heard me at the time it was quite the contrary, but a day or two later and I have learnt to not let someone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.

First and foremost we are human beings. I believe in order to evolve that we have to experience all the extremities of emotions, irrespective of whether they feed good or bad. Sometimes or not it helps to analyse the crap out of a misdoing and we simply do our head in. On a conscious level we are aware that the thoughts we are allowing to consume us are only generating a negative impact on our bodies and lives.

Our souls remind us that what we are going through is for the greater good or is redirecting us to a bigger and better place. However our minds and our bodies can tell us otherwise. We carry anger, distaste and attempt to rationalise the injustice that has occurred. Unfortunately or not our bodies can take a little more time to catch up to what we truly know. Respecting and honouring the process is paramount to our evolvement. I am all for love in fact I thrive in an atmosphere of love. It is all good and well to send love and light but sometimes let’s just own it and call it for what it is. I know that anger and resentment isn’t worth hanging onto to but I also know that I am human and feeling all of what life has to offer is part of my growth and aligning me to exactly where I am meant to be “Don’t let anybody walk through your mind with their dirty feet”– Ghandi. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoo

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