1. When your chaos becomes your clarity

 

 

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Listening to our inner voice and knowing what is present in our bodies is not something we are generally taught to navigate. The disconnect that happens when we are not in alignment with ourselves can cause all kinds of chaos. For me personally I have known this all too well and had lived in disconnect for quite some time. I became comfortably numb. I cascaded down a deep dark hole and the attempt to climb out whilst it was coated in pain also gifted me a remembrance. Depression and anxiety became my new best friend in my mid 20’ and whilst it was debilitating, I was honoured with gifts of grace and humility. I was confronted with almost the same experience 20 years later. I was fraught with shame, confusion and guilt that I hadn’t been able to keep myself well. Possibly one of the worst things to feed a highly anxious, depressed and disconnected self.

I had more than dabbled with the system of mental health services and as much as we are lucky to have them available, I found that a lot of the work that I did was self-lead. Ultimately only I could be the one to make the changes to connect back to self and truly remember who I was and why I am here. The traditional services of what was available just didn’t work for me and fortunately or unfortunately couldn’t meet me where I was at. I had a lot of tools under my belt, I had kept myself “well” for 20 years. I was working as a disability advocate and had also been a peer support case manager yet I found myself to be on the opposite side of receiving services. This was great for my self-esteem and another layer that added to my perceived failure at the time.

What I couldn’t see was the massive disconnect to self that didn’t happen overnight, instead it happened over time and I became to understand it on a deeper level and knowing. When we keep adjusting ourselves to reflect our external surroundings and don’t live in the truth of our being we continue to neglect the essence of who we are. We may adjust ourselves for work, to people please, to keep the peace, to avoid conflict, to be accepted into a false reality or simply because we choose to dim our light for others to feel comfortable. It may not be noticeable to begin with and it may be a slight adjustment here or there but over time it causes chaos. Coming back to centre and connection to self becomes harder and living in the world of adjusting is what we have learnt to do.

Now I have come to learn and understand what that means to me. Recognising what connection and disconnection to self actually looks and feels like has been the catalyst for growth and expansion in my life. It has allowed me to understand myself in ways in which I have not known before. I am grateful for the depths of my darkness for it has allowed me to truly anchor my light in the here and now.

 

With a splash of Mermaid Magic and always let your heart lead the way.

Fairy wishes

Sonia

xxxx

8. The gifts of Imperfection – Brene Brown

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I spoke to my uncle a few days ago for his birthday. Uncles are such cool characters in our lives and they offer you a unique relationship. My uncle reminded me to be grateful for what we have, that time is precious and all we have is this moment. Sure it is what we know but how much of it do we truly practise each and every day? I know that there are certainly times in my life where I live in my head and I really don’t take the time or energy to really feel into the simplicity yet complex components of gratitude.

I know that it was the perfect reminder for me as I have so much to be grateful for. What I also know is that when I live from my head life becomes exhausting quickly. I have started my own business and now work as a sole trader providing support services. Having only started my business 5 months ago it is certainly something that I tend to think about a lot. Life changes all the time and we are always unearthing aspects of self. I am grateful that I have a box of tools to balance out the emotions and let me tell you there has been many. There seems to be a theme of life being hectic at the moment especially in the last few months. By hectic I don’t mean in a super fun, social fairy kind of way. Instead they have been emotional, heavy, stressful, and anxious with plenty of tears being shed.

Has it been fun? Probably not. Has it been worth it? Absolutely. I would rather be going through the emotions rather than pretending that they don’t exist. Life can throw you some really full on lessons at times. It doesn’t mean we have to accept them with positivity and a bag of fairy dust. Quite the contrary it has to be transmuted to where it needs to go before we can understand the impact of what it means for us in our lives. I am by no means suggesting that we have a pity party but let’s meet what comes up with some passion and full responsibility of what we have created.

When we remind ourselves that all we have is this very moment nothing else should matter and all the stories can disperse. Great in theory but when we are in the midst of our own drama it doesn’t seem to be that easy. Instead what I do know now is what I continue to learn. Who we were even 6 months is perhaps different to who we are today. It can be scary and exciting at the same time. What I know now more than ever is the lessons seem to appear thick and fast and what matters most is how easily we let go of what no longer is necessary. To immerse in what we need to for the time and to truly find the gifts that have presented. It doesn’t mean that it is all pretty instead what we can do is embrace the space that is. To my dear uncle thanks for the gift of your wisdom and to truly feel that time is so very precious, gratitude is everything and all we have is now. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

Xoxo

22. “Be the light that helps others”

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I am on my way to Melbourne for Christmas. I have been living on the Gold Coast for almost 6 months now so being at home with my family feels especially important. It is not to say that I haven’t appreciated every other year but distance has certainly given me another level of appreciation. I just watched one of our family movies. It is a compilation of pictures composed to some music. It is about 5 or so years old and so much has changed. What I am immensely grateful for especially is the connection that I have with my abundant family.

I can’t help but reflect on those that at Christmas feel terrible grief and loneliness. I feel my aunt and uncle who can’t spend Christmas with their daughter since she completed suicide. This will be another year, or perhaps the first for so many that find Christmas extremely difficult and sad.  I am not here to fix it or to say that I have a magic wand or an answer. What I do know is how important connection and family is especially during these times. The definition of family is different for everybody. It is what we are connected to that matters most. As I flick through old pictures and movies I am overwhelmed with the connection of my loved ones and find immense gratitude in all that I have.

I find Christmas to be such a double edged sword. I love the connection and prosperity but I don’t enjoy the amount of consumerism that we tend to indulge in. What is highlighted for many is the disconnection that can sometimes avalanche into a deep slump. This year especially I feel that there is so much more to do in this space. We can’t force people to connect but what we can do is live from our hearts where connection is truly felt. I know for me this year I have spent a lot of time in my head. It hasn’t been pleasant and is a guaranteed brain drain. The Gold Coast has certainly forced me to slow down and be in the moment. Living in another state from my family and friends, means that connection is more important than what it ever has been.

There is an opportunity to learn from everything in our lives.  Personally it is often the most painful of situations where the greatest learning arrives. Doesn’t make it any easier but instead finding the gift is the treasure amongst it. So for now I have no grandiose way to make anything better or different. I am however reminded that connection and community is what life truly is about. I work in the space of suicide prevention and the statistics are shattering. There is no magic wand but there is however a zero suicide strategy.  The fundamental principles of humanity is one in which we are all responsible for. It is often the simplest of acts that can be the most profound. You never know where the lessons will unveil.  As I thanked mu Uber driver for his mints, water, comfy car, cool conversation and music, he remarked “it doesn’t take much to be human” He is absolutely right!. Be the light that helps others. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxxo

79. I put my hands over my heart and express love for myself. I especially embrace my inner child, and keep it sense of wonder alive within me.

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It was the early hours of the morning before I got to bed. I had taken my mum for a pedicure earlier that night and got home and decided to start some Christmas baking before I went to bed. I was really tired but I know that when I bake it soothes and grounds me so I set out to make a tira mi su. I also made a sweet that my aunt used to make. She passed away earlier this year. Although there was some sadness I also felt really happy for her and her new found freedom wherever she was right now. I also reminisced in my heart about the lessons that she has taught me in my life. As I walked up the stairs and finally went to bed. I literally placed my hand over my heart and felt so bloody grateful for all that I was able to fulfil in one day. I had also been to a funeral earlier that day so I appreciated the contrast of life and death. I was filled with gratitude for my mum and having spent time with her. I had spent the afternoon with colleagues organising presents for children who otherwise would not have received any. I have shelter, an abundance of food, clothes and my health. I felt love.

Christmas brings about so many mixed emotions for people and I know I have personally whinged and moaned about the amount we consume each year and the crazy energy that is associated with Christmas. I have felt shitty, tired emotional and have already eaten way too much. So I am really grateful that I have taken the time to stop and reflect about what it is that I am truly grateful for at Christmas time and to remind myself about my inner child and the magic of Christmas.

As a child I loved receiving Enid Blyton books and “The Naughties Little Girl in School” series was a hit as far as I was concerned.  God I loved books and reading so much. It was literally a world of my own where I was fully entrenched in every morsel of the world I was reading. So today as I write and reflect on Christmas Eve it is certainly about finding and retrieving the wonder and excitement of what Christmas is truly about.

Tension is high especially at this time of year and it is easy to get caught up in “stories” and “drama. I know it all too well. What gift is truly precious is to just be in the moment of the magic and miracles that surround us at each moment. I was just speaking to a friend earlier and a white butterfly flew by as we were chatting. These are the gifts of magic and wonder that in our ever so busy lives we miss and life fleetingly passes us by.

So thank you to my writing and to me for taking the time to sit and write today,  to be reminded about the child like awe and wonder that is alive within us all. It may take a while or not to feel it but it is certainly there. Or if you are being a Grinch be a wondrous Grinch. Be whoever you would like to be. I put my hands over my heart and express love for myself. I especially embrace my inner child, and keep it sense of wonder alive within me.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xxo

60. My current thought, the one I am thinking now, is totally under my control.

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A few weeks ago a friend gave me a copy of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne on an audio book. I was chuffed because it meant that I had something to listen to in the car. I have been commuting to Geelong to go to work a few days a week. Funnily enough a few days prior to that I had been thinking that it would be great to have something constructive to listen to and then “bingo” there it was. As some of you may or may not know The Secret is a book about manifesting but particularly our thoughts and what we put out to the universe. So when I saw the affirmation for today I realised pretty quickly that there was a message in that for me.

Since the beginning of the year I have been dealing with grief. It doesn’t have to be or good it just is. What I have learnt about grief is that it doesn’t have to be something that we avoid and bury. Rather it is something that allows us to grow to a level that we did not know existed and to find the gifts within us and our everyday lives.

What was the realisation for me was the “phone calls” and the news that was received with each death and realising how much it had affected me. With two deaths in such a short amount of time the grief differs for each one and the magnitude and multitude of emotions that go with it range so diversely. What has affected me is that if I receive more than a missed call from one of my family members I go into anxiety believing that something “had happened”. It sounds ridiculous and dramatic but I have recognised that was what was going on for me especially after listening to The Secret. So in actual fact what I am doing is simply sending nervous and anxious energy into the universe and it is returning to me tenfold. What then exacerbates is everything else! So it them becomes a roller coaster of emotions when another aspect in my life may not be what it seems and I can spiral.

This really hit home for me last weekend so I stopped and mediated. Of course sitting on top of my CD player was a meditation about removing negative energy and I immediately felt in sync with the universe. What I do know is that I don’t have to dismiss what has been playing out in my mind but the fact that I have recognised it is a bonus. So being mindful and taking inspired action is what I did. I have no idea what the forecast is for me right now and practising patience and trusting is so important. I can choose to live in anxiety and allow life to scare me or I can honour what I am feeling, be gentle on myself, have an attitude of gratitude and work on myself day by day. For we only ever have this one moment so why not make each moment matter and every day a new beginning. My current thought, the one I am thinking now, is totally under my control. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With love

Sonia

xxxoo

 57. I acknowledge myself for creating a wonderful experience today.

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I really don’t feel like writing about creating a wonderful experience today but I know it is exactly what is what my soul requires right now. I work up this morning with a bit of a head cold, no big deal but didn’t feel my usual self. At about 5 minutes past 9 I got a call to say that I had been unsuccessful in an interview that I had earlier this week. I could tell by the tone of his voice in the “hello” that I didn’t get it.  Even though there was politeness that was coming from my conversation, my mind was screaming “really, really” I wanted to go back to bed, throw the doona over me and not come out for the rest of the day. I chose otherwise. I rose like an angry bird and put a meditation CD on instead. It helped profusely and the perspective shifted. That is not to say that I felt like a bag of beans but it was about channelling my energy elsewhere rather than focus on what was not meant to be.

So when I finally got myself down stairs and opened up the affirmation for the day I shook my head in disbelief and then thought, Ok I can turn this day around! What I did know was although I hadn’t got the job that I was really excited about there was also lots of other  opportunities that were around me at the moment. What I also did was to be mindful of ALL that I have to be grateful about and in the next moment I received an encouraging and lovely text from a dear friend. I received an email from somebody who had read my writing and had got a lot out of what I had written and it made my heart smile.  I also took my plants outside and gave them some love and attention and was reminded about how special, sacred and healing Mother Earth is and I got to a more peaceful place.

So for me right now it is not about saying that I don’t have the right to feel. In fact I feel really raw and vulnerable and I honour what that means for me. It is about being gentle and acknowledging that patience, trust and faith are the most important lessons for me to savour. It is about focusing on what I can do and being the best possible version of who I can be. I know right now I am in a really blessed place and my life is filled with so many blessings and abundance. It is not about disregarding what is happening for me internally but it is also about not fuelling or giving any power or harbouring and “victim” feelings or mentality. I can choose to write my story for today and so I am. I know that I received lots of insight from my mediation and this is where I choose to create a day filled with magic and miracles. I also have a hair appointment later today and I have great hair :) .  I acknowledge myself for creating a wonderful experience today. Blessed be and so it. Namaste

With a sprinkle of fairy diust and may magic follow your day.

With love

Sonia

Xoooo

I am my own very best friend. Older friends may come and go, but I am always here for me. I support myself in feeling good.

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Learning to be my own best friend would have to be one of the most awesome lessons that I have been able to learn. When I looked at the affirmation I pondered for a little and wondered what it actually meant for me. What I am really aware of right now is that I am back in Cambodia for the fourth time in exactly 2 years. This time two years ago I certainly wasn’t my own very best friend and so much has happened since that very first trip. So the affirmation for today feels really symbolic for me is no so many ways. Not only is it about friendship with others but most importantly about the friendship I have with myself.

One of the most significant lessons is what my idea of friendship actually means and as time, lessons and years unveil, what friendship once was may be no longer. I know for me the last two years there has also been significant shift in friendships. It is not about whether or not it is good or bad it just is. The most important aspect that I have been able to acknowledge are the parts of me that are also growing and learning each time a shift happens. Whatever the situation that may present itself it is about reflecting that what is going on is merely a reflection as to where you are at or have been in the past. There is no reason to judge but to take personal responsibility and grow from the amazing lessons that presented. Each time it is about learning to be my own best friend.

So as I write after a day of building a playground in a remote village in Cambodia, I realise just how much I value my own friendship.  I realise and know even more so just how much gratitude and compassion I have for myself and how bloody blessed I am. It makes me understand how ridiculous it is each time I look at myself at the mirror and scold myself for being too whatever. For God’s sake I have food to fill my belly. When I get annoyed that my pants or tops that aren’t right, I can appreciate the abundance that I do have. The freedom in buying clothes is a choice that I have taken for granted so many times. It is not about judging or berating my actions, thoughts and feelings but acknowledging that I can be my own worst enemy or very best friend. Not sure about you but I would rather be my own very best friend. We can be so critical of our beautiful selves and find it way too easy to criticize and condemn our actions. When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and said “I am awesome” Give it a go!! Cambodia feels like a best friend to me right now because it teaches me so much about myself and my life and I am so blessed to be in the Country of Wonder, a country that has taught me to know that I AM AWESOME! I am my own very best friend. Older friends may come and go, but I am always here for me. I support myself in feeling good.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

With HUGE love

Sonia

xoxoxo

24. I have a great relationship with money; it loves me and fills my pockets.

 

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I love the serendipity of the affirmations that I write about as it is exactly what I need to write about at the perfect time. I had a kinesiology appointment yesterday and my relationship with money came up. When I sat down to write about the affirmation that today presented, I had a little giggle as I know that everything happens for a reason. It is like the universe is testing me to just double check that I have received and learnt the lesson that I am meant to at this time. Before my kinesiology appointment even began there was a bowl of affirmations on the table. I went through the cards in the bowl and of course what came up was about money. The card read “My income is always increasing” I didn’t take much notice of it and placed it back in the bowl. Now that I sit and write about my relationship about money I know that divine timing has occurred as it was only earlier this week that I visited the bank to work out what works best for me and my finances.

I didn’t think that I had a negative relationship with money until it was bought to my attention yesterday and realised that I used the words “it is too expensive” or  “I can’t afford it” at various times. These words and energy that it carries is already from a deficit model instead of coming from a place of abundance. I have a beautiful home in which I am surrounded by plenty. I have a warm bed and shelter, food is more than ample and I always have appropriate clothing to wear in whatever weather. Rather what I sometimes focus on is the perceived lack and the internal struggle of feeling that I am just scraping by. Rather than focusing on living week to week what I would rather be fixing my attention to is all that I am surrounded with. I have no idea what it is like to go without because I am truly blessed with the prosperity that surrounds me.

I truly believe that everything happens in divine timing and for a reason, there is no mistake about the people that come into our lives and it is about being for a reason, season or lifetime. I met a beautiful young woman yesterday who shared her story. She is an asylum seeker who has fled her political country where there is no freedom and life is dictated in a way most of us will never know. She literally left with the clothes on her back and a bag which she still carried. That was all and that was it. As I sat and listened to her story I thought about some mornings when I dress and complain that I have nothing to wear. There is a wardrobe overspilling with shoes and clothes that stares at me daily. Really!!! Reality check of exactly how lucky I am simply by living in Australia to have all that I do. I am not judging my thoughts and actions rather I am learning to shift perspective about where I am right now and that my affiliation with money is one that is plentiful and pleasant. I have a great relationship with money; it loves me and fills my pockets. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo

20. Every evening I write down ten things I am grateful for, and watch my blessings increase.

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This is such a great exercise and not one that I have done for some time. I feel grateful every day of my life but I have not wrote down what I am grateful for as a daily exercise for some time. When I separated almost two years ago, one of the things I began was a 28 gratitude journal. I really felt that it helped me through one of the toughest times of my life. It put stuff into perspective and allowed me to focus on all that I had rather what I had felt that I had lost. So I will begin this again right now. I am grateful for the bees that pollenate and give us life.

  1. I am grateful for the beautiful butterflies that I can see fluttering.
  2. I am grateful for my eyes because of all that they allow me to see and do.
  3. I am grateful that I have a beautiful home to live in and that keeps me safe.
  4. I am grateful that I have been able to cook today because it means that I am abundant and am able to eat whenever I choose.
  5. I am grateful that I was able to sit, relax and chat with my mum today.
  6. I am grateful that I have clean drinking water to drink
  7. I am grateful for the big hug that my little sister gave me and her beautiful smile.
  8. I am grateful that I have a job to go to tomorrow that I love.
  9. I am grateful that I am alive.
  10.  I am grateful for my brain.

Sometime in life we simply forget about the simple pleasures of life and what true pleasure they bring us. I really like what the affirmation today feels like for me right now. Sometimes we go to bed with thoughts scurrying around in our minds and we  toss and turn before we find sleep. Writing down ten things each time before you go to sleep feels like a beautiful way to complete a day.

Having a grateful heart for all we experience in life is one of the most treasured gifts. Feeling gratitude for all that we have been taught especially those who may have taught us tough life lessons is truly liberating. I was driving through my old neighbourhood the other day and my ex came into my mind. I actually felt love and was so grateful for the wings he has now allowed me to have in my life. The end of our relationship was such a gift and I felt real gratitude for him and the purpose that he had in my journey. It made me smile. It was a reminder that no matter what life presents us with we can choose to focus on the negative or we can delve in and find the silver lining. Every evening I write down ten things I am grateful for, and watch my blessings increase. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo