23. Oh the things that you find if you don’t stay behind – Dr Suess

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Some days are just shit, there is no rhyme or reason it just is. Sometimes it is a cascade of events that lead you to the space and you can identify what is going on for you. Our minds can be complex as we unravel our perception of what is. For me one of the most important things that life has to offer is connection. Connection to self and others is what keeps us creative and alive. Well for me it does anyway. There are times when it doesn’t all flow and this is when it is time to stop and listen. I have been in an unusual space for a little while now. What I mean by unusual it is somewhere where I haven’t been before and a space that is being created. If we always do what we have always done we always get what we always got.

We don’t really get taught about these days nor do we celebrate them. In fact we tend to shy away from them and pretend that they don’t exist. We somehow only feel accomplished on the days we feel content and connected. What about the other days? At the moment I am not in paid employment. Often we define ourselves by the work that we do and the job in which we are employed. It is the reason we get up in the morning, spend most of our days there and our lives often revolve around weekends and time off work. This is perfectly OK if this is how we choose to live our lives. There is no better or worse it just is.

I turned 44 this year. I have worked in the community sector for most of my working life and I have always loved it. My last stint in Community Services was one that served me in ways that I did not expect. It doesn’t mean that it was good or bad it was simply an experience. What it did to was allow me to question life on a realm that I haven’t been before and as far as I am concerned for the better. Along with that has come some days and moments where I have questioned where I am at, revisited my purpose and shed a shit load of emotions that obviously had been sitting there ready to be released.

In the midst of that I have had to revisit a health issue which was unexpected.  None the less I can either choose to go to a place that I have reverted to or I can go and be an uncomfortable mess for a while. So for now it is about digging that little deeper, reaching out that little bit more and unravelling the intricacies that life has to offer. Life presents and there are times where we need to be reminded of who we are and what we came here to do. To find the abundance and simplicity in what life has to offer is often the biggest treasure that we can acquire.  To live from a place of trust, purpose and meaning is what defines us. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxox

 

13. “Connect to the whispers of your soul for this is where the magic transpires” Sonia Muraca

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I am not even sure what it is that I am going to write about today but what I do know is that I need to write. It is Sunday morning and the last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. I have started a new job, moved in to a new home and getting used to the changes that life brings. I was speaking to a friend yesterday and she asked how I coped with change. For me change is something that needs to happen in order for growth to occur. I really don’t know any other way and for the last 12 or so months change has been constant.  Living so close to the ocean has lent itself to the ebbs, flows and sometimes waves that change brings. With this I have been in touch with what is going on for me eternally.

I know that when I feel the need to write it is also a time and space where I need to connect to self. I have found myself being “busy” in the last few weeks, such is life and that is perfectly OK. It is important to acknowledge that our inner selves and soul deserve time to truly nurture and listen to the whispers of connecting back to self. For me it is truly about being present and being able to give from a place of a full heart.

Yesterday morning I left home bright and early to go to exercise. I was a little grumpy and would have much preferred to stay in bed. The mornings are starting to be fresh and I just wanted to snuggle under the doona.  My conscious got the better of me and I got up. As I left home the magnificence of the sun was rising. The array of glistening oranges and yellows beamed from the sky. I was instantly in the moment of the magic and was in awe of how glorious Mother Nature and life truly is. It was at that point that I realised how much I had been rushing around, that my body was tired and weary and that I hadn’t being fully present.

I have learnt too much in life to know that berating oneself does nothing but create more “stuff”. Not sure about you but I’m not really interested in self-sabotage. I much prefer to notice the lesson, process what needs to happen and continue to be in flow. So whilst I had no idea what was going to transpire prior to me writing all I knew was that I needed to write. It is my soul’s way of whispering to stay present, be still, and listen to the calls of what is truly needed. For when we don’t connect to ourselves we cannot possibly connect to anything else. Life is truly precious and it is in the simplest of what life offers that often bring us the most magic. It is the laughter of children and the rising of the sun. From the sweetest of cuddles, the welcoming smiles and the connection to self and others that surmounts to the true meaning of what life has to offer. Connect to the whispers of your soul for this is where the magic transpires. Blessed be and so it is.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

xoxo

 

 

12. I only own my mind – I am mine – Pearl Jam

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A friend sent me this song this morning, the lyrics resonated and I connected with it. I am not sure why she sent it. There was no message just the song. I know and feel our connection beyond distance so I know that it was something that I needed to hear. I start a new job tomorrow and I am feeling beyond nervous. I was chatting to a friend yesterday and expressed that I was starting to feel anxious about it all. She reminded me to look at it as an exciting new chapter. So when I heard and felt the song this morning I felt that it was a little reminder to really be in the moment about the new chapter that I begin tomorrow. I am not a magician and nor do I have a magic wand to switch off my thoughts but what I can achieve is awareness.

As I write my blog for the day I am jolted into a different reality. I can hear the news about the chemical war fare in Syria. I am watching people being hosed down in an attempt to wash the chemicals in which they have been attacked with.  I could go on and on about the pure injustice about the war that is happening and the suffering that our world goes through. I am not sure that it would actually achieve anything except more of the same energy that exacerbates injustice.

As the lyrics of the song indicate – I only own my mind [1]– I can only control what happens to my thoughts and words. I cannot and nor do I want to change the mind of others. That is not my job nor is it my business. I can only act in my highest integrity and come from a place of loyalty and respect in all that I do. For me the most significant reminder has been to really focus on what matters most. I can’t change the chemical warfare in Syria and nor can I do anything for the children that have been doused with chemicals. Feeling anxious or nervous about a new job now seems so irrelevant.

I am not indicating that feelings are insignificant. In fact we have to allow them to vibrate through our being. When we shove them down they eventually transpire into something, somewhere along our path. The stuff that is happening is Syria leaves me feeling broken and a little helpless about the world. There is so much that I do feel especially when I see children suffering. I feel the grief of not having my own children, I feel that no human being should ever have to be exposed to that level of suffering and I feel the injustice.

So for now I can make a choice to own my mind and thoughts. I can either spend the day in suffering about what the morning has presented with or I can create a different awareness and ensure that I am living love and peace in all that I do. I may not be able to stop the war but as the lyrics of the Pearl Jam resonate I can evoke for myself that “I was born and I know that I’ll die
the in between is mine – I am mine” – Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxox

 

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVho74SDOis

I am a channel of peace. Every word, though and action that I take is PEACE.

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For last few weeks for some reason I have had a hymn that has been going through my head. “Make me a channel of your peace” which is a prayer of St Francis.  Today I sat and reflected of this hymn that has been playing time and time again in my thoughts I felt what it actually meant to me. As I spend time in Cambodia I learn so much and it makes me realise even more how much personal responsibility that we ALL need to take in the world! It is not just about spending time in a third world country but having an awareness of what makes our heart sing, what our gift is to the world and how honoured it is to share it with others.

In March this year I lost my cousin to suicide. It tore my heart and the pain and grief associated with her death has been immense. This week for me has been a myriad of emotions which have ranged from pure joy to such injustice and sadness. The magic of Cambodia is the contrast that it displays on so many levels and why I love it so much. I know my cousin has been by my side especially this week as I follow my heart and know that a lot of my healing has happened here. What I know even more now is how much the stigma of mental health needs to dissipate so we are able to heal and share our love and magic in the world.

I read a quote today that said “The greatest journey you will make is from your head to heart” This few words are so simple yet so profound and if I can sum up what gifts Cambodia has bestowed on me it would be my journey from my head to my heart. Depression and mental illness comes from living in your head. Living in our heads is fuckin dangerous and can only cause havoc and chaos in our minds and lives. It puts us into our own world and we do not have the capacity to go outwards and feel what it is that we need to feel for ourselves and others.

Being a channel of peace means for me that it is time to step up and be proud of what depression and mental illness represents. I feel that the death of my beloved cousin Cathy has been paired to shed hope, love and light to others. That the struggle of suicide is something that no person should ever feel is the answer. That we are all one in our beloved universe and we all have the ability share our own unique gifts and light in this world. If there is one gift that I am able to give to the world it is to shed hope and light to those that have ever felt that suicide is the answer. Discovering my journey from my head to my heart is one that comes from pain and grief but transcends to bliss and magic. I am a channel of peace. Every word, though and action that I take is PEACE. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow you day.

With love

Sonia

xoxo

16. I get plenty of sleep every night, and my body appreciates how I take care of it.

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(spending time with my niece :)

I have spent the last couple of days away down at the beach and have caught up on much needed rest and sleep. The last few weeks have been emotionally exhausting with the passing of my dear aunt and my body is weary and tired. The last few days have been such a blessing for some rest which has allowed my body to be amongst Mother Nature and to absorb her beautiful energy.

I know my body all too well and for me not getting enough rest as with anybody does not allow me to do the things that I love to do with grace and ease. I know that when I have not slept enough I crave sugary and fatty foods the next day, my concentration is poor and I lack motivation and enthusiasm. Sounds like pretty simply mathematics and logic to me. However there are still times when we abuse our bodies and do not take care of ourselves as they deserve.

One of the biggest triggers for me when I was unwell with mania which ultimately led to hospitalisation was that I could not sleep. This was caused by my body being under huge amounts of pressure and stress and not taking care of it as what it deserved. Hindsight is great and I did not know or appreciate to love my body and self the way I do now. So now when my body does not have the sleep that it requires I ensure that I rest and recuperate as I honour my body and all that it allows me to do. It is also about not abusing my body with toxic food, substances or alcohol as I also know all too well how this impacts your body and life. Hard lessons to learn but ones in which I am grateful for they have taught me about what I do not want in my life.

The last few nights have been pretty cool as I have been spending time with my niece and we have slept and snuggled together at night. It is times like these that I truly treasure and I have loved the relaxing nature of being away, reading and taking the time out that my body has truly required. My body deserves it. I get plenty of sleep every night, and my body appreciates how I take care of it. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo

8. I look forward with joyous anticipation to what this day brings.

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When we live with purpose and we know that we are following our heart looking forward to what each day brings is refreshing and exciting. My blog this year is about creating change with compassion.  My life has not always looked and felt the way that is does now. Sure there are days when I drag my sorry ass out of bed with a serious case of “can’t be f*T” but these days are very far and few between. For most of the time I welcome each day with what it brings as I know there are so many wonderful things that I love to do and want to accomplish (although today in Melbourne it is raining and such a sweet day to lie in bed and read).

Having had depression for many years on and off I know the feeling all too well of not looking forward to the joyous anticipation of what each day brings. It has been over 10 years now and I have not been or had the need to be on any anti-depressant medication. This was to the contrary of doctors who told me that I would be on medication for the rest of my life. I am in no way shape of form suggesting that medication is something to be tampered with or nor am I saying that it does not have a purpose. Rather what I am saying is that everything is possible.

One of the biggest hurdles and challenges to overcome when you are living with depression is finding purpose. In the midst of your own blackness it feels like there is absolutely nothing to live for let alone wanting to get out of bed and face the day. It doesn’t justify to write in this short amount of space all about depression rather just a snippet that if you are reading this and are finding yourself feeling flat I encourage you to get out of your head space and feel into your heart. Express what it is that you are feeling to somebody that you trust, in your own words in a song, write about it, do whatever, just don’t keep it supressed inside of you. Trust me it comes up and whenever it wants to as well.

If there is one small thing that you can do for to get out of your head and that is to do something for somebody who is in a less fortunate situation than yourself. There are so many people and organisations that are in desperate need of help and volunteers and it will allow you to feel for another rather than living in your own head. Living in your own head only leads to shitty conversations with self and a big fat headache. I encourage you to do something differently because if you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got. I look forward with joyous anticipation to what this day brings. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

 

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo

7. My health is reflected in every area of my life. I take loving care of my physical self.

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Yes universe I am hearing you! I generally exercise at least 3-4 times a week. For three weeks I hardly did a thing except a few walks and ate lots of stuff that I would not normally. Monday night at training I threw up! Yup you heard right! What this tells me is that clearly my body wasn’t coping with exercise at this time but more importantly how no exercise for a short amount of time impacted my body. Note to self – do not take three weeks break of exerciseJ.

More importantly when we talk about health it is also about our emotional wellbeing. So many of us suffer in silence because of our own fear or insecurities about what they may look like to the outside world if we are seen as not coping. What a croc of crap! I have found that my most vulnerable moments shared have strengthened relationships, allowed another person to feel the same and shared a connection that is life lasting.

Taking loving care of self means so much in so many ways. Sure it is about the food we consume and the exercise but there is a deeper level about the way we treat and speak about ourselves especially our bodies. For such a long time I have not been kind to my body and abused it with not enough sleep, cigarettes, alcohol until I realised what I was doing to myself. That is not to say that I am perfect and never do anything that causes harm to my body but what it does tell me is that I am so much more aware of the choices that I make and the impact that they have on me.

I am also so much more aware about the way that I speak about my body. Too often we look at ourselves either in the mirror or in a photo and criticize the crap out it! When I catch myself saying or feeling negative things about my body I remind myself about all the choices in life I have because of my body such as walking, exercising, and moving any way I choose with freedom and ease.  We easily negate its worth so I encourage you to start to thank your body and if you can’t find things that you love about it at the very least thank it for breathing. Each creation in your life towards self-love and responsibility is one that is of peace, compassion and love that moves outwards and into the universe. My health is reflected in every area of my life. I take loving care of my physical self. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

 

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo

5. My body mirrors my state of mind, I am healthy whole and complete.

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Ha ha universe you are funny, as I sit here with a belly full of sugar! Having eaten the delectable panettone pretty much for the month of December (to my exercise trainers if you are reading this simply ignore the last lineJ) I’ve justified it with “it is part of tradition” “It’s Christmas” as I shovelled piece after piece down my throat. With over a month of not entirely caring about what it is that I am consuming, I feel blah. It is not about weight but rather how certain foods impact the body. I am truly grateful that my exercise sessions commence again this evening as I have missed regular exercise. It is amazing what a difference it makes to your life.

The other day in true serendipitous style I was reading about a 30 day cleanse on social media. That same afternoon I was contacted from an acquaintance that I had met many months ago to ask me how I was going. It was in fact her post that I was reading about the 30 day cleanse. Coincidence much, I don’t think so. There was a quote I read the other day that read “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. For me it feels like very much where I need to be right now. After having purged a whole heap of emotions, experiences and stuff through a workshop I was doing in December this feels very right for me.

So when I reflect on the affirmation for today I feel rather blah and unenergetic. I haven’t exercised for almost a month and eaten way too many foods that aren’t great for me. I know that this is totally a sign to go with it! I certainly don’t want my mind to feel blah and unenergetic! No thankyou!! On a positive note I thank my body for keeping me alive and allowing me to do all that I desire. Too often we berate our bodies when they do so very much for us. So thank you beautiful body for giving me the freedom to live the life I choose and in return I look after you in the best possible way that I know how. My body mirrors my state of mind. I am healthy, whole and complete. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo