67. Today I do something that is different. I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way.

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Today 6 months ago our dear cousin chose to take her own life. It is a day that it etched into our lives forever.  Life doesn’t go on the way you knew it, it is different and you adapt to a new way of “normal”, whatever normal means anyway. I was feeling a little so I sat down to write. I noticed the date and realised that perhaps this was why I was feeling sensitive and allowed myself to just feel in that moment. So when I read the affirmation for today I thought of her and the lessons she continues to teach me.

For a long time I was really embarrassed and ashamed to speak about my diagnosis of Mental Illness. That was over 15 years ago. It has only been in the last few years that I have felt safe to speak about it. I didn’t want a label and It took me a long time for me to speak about it let alone admit it to anyone. There was a sense of shame and failure attached to it and it was something that I wasn’t proud of. I saw it as weak and not being “strong” enough to deal with life. What a crock of crap I had allowed myself to believe! It could not have been further from the truth. This experience in my life has truly shaped who I am and has taught me nothing but resilience and courage.

This morning I had a stern chat with “the universe” I asked very clearly and loudly to show and guide me to “how is it that I can be of service to the universe?” I know that my path and purpose is to be of service but how that is meant to be I am figuring out along the way. When I read the affirmation and thought about my cousin I know that I am meant to speak out about my cousin and my own experience of mental illness. No more hiding in the shadows.

What hits home the most about my cousin is that when I was in my deep darkness there was so many days, weeks, months where I felt that suicide would have been such a better option. So when I move out of my comfort zone today it is about speaking out about my own experiences, to know that there is a really fine line about being Ok and not. I am sure there is no coincidence that it is suicide awareness week this week and when I connect all the dots to the last few months I know that this is life purpose stuff.

There were so many times where I contemplated suicide and felt that it would have been such a “better” way. What was the difference between me and the countless others that made the choice to go that one step further? I don’t have those answers but what I do have is an experience and an amazing network of love and support that guide and love me unconditionally along the way. Today was another little push from the universe to steer me to where it is that I am meant to be.

For me it is not about “saving” people but rather a reminder that we are all a part of this amazing universe for a very short time. The importance of remaining connected, holding space and being there is what is most important. We all have our own unique journey and we can’t fix it for one another but we sure can shine our own light for one another and vice versa. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I didn’t know and feel the love, support and commitment that my family had for me. It could have been very different had I not felt that way. My gratitude for them is eternal.

So when I refer to moving out of my comfort zone today it about speaking about my truth. Sure I have spoken about mental illness before but I know now it is time for me to be more open about the depths of darkness. It is not about the “story” rather it is to inspire and give courage for others to be in an authentic space and to feel safe to do so. May you always know that the light no matter how dim can always shine and always remember the darker the darkness the brighter the light. So from sorrow can come so much joy, trust me on that one. Today I do something that is different. I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Huge Love

Sonia

xoxoxox

59. I now create a wonderful new relationship. Instead of isolating myself, I am choosing to open up and let the love in.

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Right now this is not a topic that I actually feel like writing about! Seeing as I am all about being authentic and walking my truth I feel that right now is the perfect time for me to write. My washing machine door has been jammed since last night. It does that sometimes. No big deal but I have just got home from work and it still doesn’t want to open. I’ve changed the setting, I have unplugged it and moved it around and then I started swearing at it. I tried to rationalise my thoughts and tell myself it is only a machine but by this stage I am crying as well. My period is due in days and the effects of a full moon leave me emotionally raw and vulnerable.  In between my sanity is being kept as I am sending messages about a getaway which I feel my body so desperately desires.

Ok so I have composed myself and had a look at the affirmation for today and thought “far out universe” I have loved isolating myself into my own little world especially in the last month or so. I went to a “blue moon” celebration last night. I loved it and I especially love the connections you make with beautiful likeminded souls. I had a 10 minute reading and I was able to give massages to those that I felt. It was such a beautiful night.  The full moon is all about releasing and letting go and what was a theme for me last night was letting go of old wounds. I rolled my eyes when she mentioned the words and she reminded me to reflect within and to really let go of what no longer served me. So as I sit here with my washing machine and a door that won’t open, a heavy chest because I have yet another cold this year and on the brink of laughing and crying I  feel within and notice what is going on for me right now.

How do we know if we have completely let go of heartache? I did a massage for a girl last night and we spoke about a broken heart. My feel is that why do we have to call it a broken heart. Can’t it be a heart that bursts open instead of breaking? If our heart is breaking from a lost love does it mean that we are still giving them our power? I know that there are no such things as coincidences and there was no mistake. I had my reading first and then had a conversation with a woman that by the way had the same name as me. Was it a lesson that I actually had to learn myself? Yes I think so!!! So rather than say a little part of me died with that relationship my feel is that my heart opened up for more love to come into my life. Anyway there is proof in the pudding. After each relationship that has ended my life become even more so enriched, abundant and plentiful. So I am more than guessing that this was the exact nudge from the universe to stop hibernating and being a bear, shave my legs and open my heart to receiving unconditional love. It is not only about receiving but giving love to the most important relationship with you. There is only one thing that can happen and that is more love. Pretty good odd I reckon! I now create a wonderful new relationship. Instead of isolating myself, I am choosing to open up and let the love in. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

Huge love

Sonia

xoxox

I love myself exactly the way I am. I am good enough!

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Here we go the good old lesson of loving self. I looked at the affirmation for today and thought “I am really not in the mood to write about loving myself. As I reflected I realised that it was most probably the best thing that I can do.  I am tired and a little grumpy today. I can’t say that I am in a bad mood but possibly not the chirpiest to be around. But you know what I am good enough! It is not about striving to be better it is about accepting that where I am right now .

Right now in Melbourne it is in the middle of winter. I am trying really hard to appreciate all of our glorious seasons but there are times when the cold just doesn’t cut it for me and I want to hibernate like a bear. In fact there are things about being a bear that I find quite appealing. I would be totally happy to let ALL the hairs on my body just grow and I could just lie, sit, eat, sleep and do whatever really. It is perfectly OK to feel any way we choose as long as we don’t unpack and stay there. So for now if feeling like a bear appeals as much to you as it does to me feel it and embrace it. For me this is what it means to love myself exactly the way I am.

Too often in life we consider that the only times that we are lovable is when we feel happy or our lives are filled with joy. Instead for me it is about finding the balance about what life is offering you and to find the gift of the moments and experiences that are offered. Sometimes the gifts are found in the most inopportune ways and you simply sit back and appreciate it for exactly what it is.

I am happily single and happily looking for the perfect life partner. What I do know is that in order for the universe to deliver me the perfect relationship I have to love and embrace all parts of me, even the grumpy and hairy ones. Ok the hairy part may not be so appealing even to me but none the less I still love and accept me exactly the way I am. Too often I hear people complain about their relationship and what the other person is doing or not doing. Little do we sometimes realise that it is what we lack in ourselves that is simply being mirrored to us. I know for me personal responsibility is a huge part of my life and it is something that I value deeply. It doesn’t mean that you never do anything that is out of place rather you are willing to learn and grow from what is being presented. So I can sit here and be like a bear for the night (which is exactly what I plan to do) but personal responsibility prevails and tomorrow is a brand new day. For now I love the grumpy bear within me and I am perfect just the way I am. I love myself exactly the way I am. I am good enough! Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

With Love

Sonia

xxxo

I am a channel of peace. Every word, though and action that I take is PEACE.

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For last few weeks for some reason I have had a hymn that has been going through my head. “Make me a channel of your peace” which is a prayer of St Francis.  Today I sat and reflected of this hymn that has been playing time and time again in my thoughts I felt what it actually meant to me. As I spend time in Cambodia I learn so much and it makes me realise even more how much personal responsibility that we ALL need to take in the world! It is not just about spending time in a third world country but having an awareness of what makes our heart sing, what our gift is to the world and how honoured it is to share it with others.

In March this year I lost my cousin to suicide. It tore my heart and the pain and grief associated with her death has been immense. This week for me has been a myriad of emotions which have ranged from pure joy to such injustice and sadness. The magic of Cambodia is the contrast that it displays on so many levels and why I love it so much. I know my cousin has been by my side especially this week as I follow my heart and know that a lot of my healing has happened here. What I know even more now is how much the stigma of mental health needs to dissipate so we are able to heal and share our love and magic in the world.

I read a quote today that said “The greatest journey you will make is from your head to heart” This few words are so simple yet so profound and if I can sum up what gifts Cambodia has bestowed on me it would be my journey from my head to my heart. Depression and mental illness comes from living in your head. Living in our heads is fuckin dangerous and can only cause havoc and chaos in our minds and lives. It puts us into our own world and we do not have the capacity to go outwards and feel what it is that we need to feel for ourselves and others.

Being a channel of peace means for me that it is time to step up and be proud of what depression and mental illness represents. I feel that the death of my beloved cousin Cathy has been paired to shed hope, love and light to others. That the struggle of suicide is something that no person should ever feel is the answer. That we are all one in our beloved universe and we all have the ability share our own unique gifts and light in this world. If there is one gift that I am able to give to the world it is to shed hope and light to those that have ever felt that suicide is the answer. Discovering my journey from my head to my heart is one that comes from pain and grief but transcends to bliss and magic. I am a channel of peace. Every word, though and action that I take is PEACE. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow you day.

With love

Sonia

xoxo

As the middle of year approaches, I wonder, How can I love more? How can I give myself more love? In response, Life teaches me how to feel even better.

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Wowsers we are in the month of June already and the first day of winter. When I looked at the quote of the month I decided to take some time to reflect on exactly what it meant for me. The subject of being living love has been a theme for me especially in the last couple of days. I attended a workshop a few nights ago and I walked away with a reminder that we are ALL energy of love and to practise living love every single day. Last night I attended a dance workshop where I was so filled with love and compassion for myself and the whole universe that I was on an almighty high of love, love glorious love.

I am intrigued about the notion that every action that we take comes from love. After all my blog is about living with a compassionate heart so this is right up my alley. What has also come up for me of late as I transition into a new phase in my life is why I am here? What is my purpose? So in true serendipitous style, the universe has presented me with an affirmation that is divinely appointed to where I am at right now. So when I feel into my next chapter of my life I know that whatever it is that I am doing has to be filled with more love. Funnily enough I was speaking to my boss earlier and had commented that I have always worked in a job that I have loved. For me this is a HUGE value in my life and one that I cannot compromise for my soul for my time here on earth.

So how do I love more? There is a lady that comes into my workplace. She is far from being pleasant and we are generally confronted with a complaint of some sort. A few weeks ago I felt that she must be really sad. So I decided to be super friendly to her and be really mindful of not getting caught up in her story of sadness and bitterness. If we face disgruntle with disgruntle it is a recipe for anger and distaste.

As far as I am concerned this is certainly a work in progress and for me I know it is something that I am particularly mindful of. Can you imagine what kind of world we would live in if every action that took place was simply out of love, respect and compassion for each other? Especially for those that may make it difficult for us to show love towards. Call me a dreamer but I am really happy to imagine that this is the world that we will live in. In terms of loving myself more I am really mindful of the language I use on myself, the way I look at myself and even the mornings where I don’t feel so great I look at myself in the mirror and say thank you, I love for being alive, even if this is all I can muster for the day.

So now when I reflect on the affirmation for the middle of the year and how I choose to live life I know that I am love living and that every action is from love. Most importantly I am falling in love with me!  I am surrounded and thrive in an atmosphere of love. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With HUGE love.

Sonia

xx

41. My garden of affirmations is blossoming.

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I had to laugh at the affirmation for today as it probably wasn’t a blossoming kind of affirmation day; in fact they were more like I feel like punching somebody in the face kind of day. Just for the record I didn’t punch anybody but there were a lot of eloquent words that may have been heard if you were in my vicinity. What I do know is that I woke up this morning and I felt like crap. My head was stuffy, my chest was heavy and my energy levels were low. I was grumpy and the rest of the day sort of seemed to steer itself in that direction. I was aware of my mood and quite possibly at some point should have looked at a garden of affirmations. Instead I took some time out called a friend and as far as I am concerned a problem shared is a problem halved.

So at the end of the day as I sit here as one of the final things that I do, I reflect on the day and really do realise that in the great scheme of things, today was like a teensy weensy drop in the great big ocean. I am grateful for these experiences because they truly do show me that this is not what I want my life to look like.  I can sit here and rant about my day but quite frankly I have done that already and now my own story bores me. It is a reminder for me to love every single day with compassion, to live my life with purpose and passion. To acknowledge that there are times when we are feeling vulnerable, emotional and would really just love a hug.

Yesterday marked the New Moon and I wrote myself some goals and wishes. Affirmations and goals is something that you will find around my home and work space and for me they are a reminder to be aware of my thoughts. I am sure that some of the conversations that were going on in my head today were not blossoming, nor did they add to my garden of affirmations. Well they affirming just not of the positive kind. So instead of saying that today was a crappy day, I consider it to be a day of lessons and learning more about compassion. What I am learning is that people primarily act in a way that is untoward because of their own pain and ego. That is not to say that it is cool but rather I can feel compassion with detachment, be responsible for my contribution and focus on what is real. What is real is love in action and living a life of bliss and more. To reflect on my goals and wishes that I wrote yesterday and exerting my energy in what is truly important. My garden of affirmations is blossoming. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With love

Sonia

xoo

 

40. I think big and then I allow myself to accept even more.

10703783_10152835115117240_7979328416965632819_nI had to sit with the affirmation for a little today before I was actually able to articulate what it meant for me. Right now I am in a bit of a crossroads with where life is taking me. There is a bunch of excitement that is going on, but there is also a sense of judgement that goes on with ego. I have had a few rejections in the last week. Actually I have begun to see them as redirections, and the vibration of the word feels far less harsh. The redirections are leading me to places that I haven’t been before or considered. It is giving me the opportunity to be still and work out what is my next chapter of the journey. Very cliché I know but it is exactly what it is. I could sit here and talk about my “rejections” and feel sorry about myself but that would be a pretty boring story or I can redirect me energy and focus on where to from here. I trust that the universe has bigger and brighter doors to open

There is a poem that I deeply love. It was read by Nelson Mandela and written by Marianne Williamson. The first few lines read “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us” I was reminded of this poem today for whatever reason. It is one that I have read many times before but tonight it feels more pertinent. Ego likes to keep us small because we are afraid. We are afraid to love too much or too little. We allow our past to dictate where we are going because of where we have been. In the end they are only stories that only have power if we fuel them with our ego. I can choose to feel rejection and go into the drama of not being good enough or deserving but F*&K that shit! That story is boring and I have been living it for far too long! I am the only one that creates the life that I desire and deserve.

Broken hearts of abandonment and rejection could fill page after page. Yes they may have merit to where I have been and who I am today but I no longer allow it to be part of the big picture that I am creating right now. I know that the universe tests us time and time again until we get the lesson. So for me right now I am going to dream big and accept prosperity and opportunities because I know that this is all part of the big picture and the life that I am living. So thank you for the redirections that you so kindly offered, I now know that I am being pushed to serve more, shine my light and to be the best version of me. I think big and I allow myself to accept even more. Blessed be and so it is, so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

With love

Sonia

xoxox10703783_10152835115117240_7979328416965632819_n

35. I am patient, tolerant and diplomatic. My words and actions are healing.

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Well the first thing that comes to mind when I read the affirmation for today is “You can take a girl out of Reservoir but you can’t take Rezza out of a girl” (whatever that may mean). What it does mean to me is there are times where I can be completely feral and my words and actions are far from healing. I can be the sweetest of flowers and on the flipside I can act like an angry bull. For most of the time I am smiling and I love the world but low and behold there are also the moments when I am full of drama and a little crazy. After all I am Italian :)  What I have learnt to recognise is that these parts are all of me, good, bad and ugly. These are the shadows that I have now learnt to embrace.

Too often we try to shy away from who we really are. We are afraid to be vulnerable, we have a fear of being exposed if we are seen to be acting too sad, happy, angry or whatever. It’s time to get real and just be who we were born to be. Obviously we all need to be responsible for our actions. I am not suggesting that we go on an angry rampage, or live out our secret demons of wanting to sometimes punch people in the face. Instead what I am saying is that we just show up! Show up in your full integrity and authenticity and just be you.

We can be so afraid of not being accepted into whatever so we put on different layers and masks to “fit in”. The true essence of who we are and what we were born to do diminishes and we detour from life. Trust me I was great at this for a lone time. Almost 20 years in fact  (yup sometimes  it takes me a while to learn lessons) I was in relationships where I believed if I just did this or  that I would be loved and accepted more. Guess what it didn’t work. It is not about blaming the other person in fact my past loves are my greatest teachers and I only have universal love and compassion for them. (possibly would have liked to punch their face at some point, but I didn’t. LOL).

My most valuable lessons are that I am awesome and beautiful by just being me. My greatest relationship is the one that I have with myself. So when I reflect on the affirmation for today it is about firstly being patient, tolerant and diplomatic with my true self.  For when I am in the perfect relationship with me, it transpires onto everything and everyone else that I am in contact with. I am far from perfect in fact I am imperfectly perfect! What I do know is that each day is a new beginning and life is right now. I am patient, tolerant and diplomatic. My words and actions are healing. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo

25. I only work for people who respect and honour their employees.

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I can truly write this affirmation with every morsel of my heart and know how true this is and how blessed I am. Beside my computer sits a jar which was a gift from my boss who is also a cherished and dear friend. The gift was for Christmas and in it are bits of paper with things that my co-workers have written about me. They are beautiful compliments and words that have been designed to inspire and uplift me whenever I feel the need. Right now as I go through a time in my life which is difficult, I am filled with so much gratitude for such a simple idea that is truly heartfelt and real.

We are truly like a little family and we have so much honour and respect for one another and for all that we bring into each other’s lives. I can be my true authentic self each and every day and I know that I am loved and accepted unconditionally. Whether I am happy, sad, tired, grumpy or emotional I am so supported and for me this is one of the greatest gifts in my life.

We laugh; we share tears and so many other things in between.  What I love and respect the most is the support that we offer each other not only in our professional lives but our personal journey. The last month or so has been tough for me for a myriad of reasons and life continues to throw challenges that are to say the least difficult. What I know is the love and care that I am shown through these times and it fills my heart with so much joy and gratitude. They accept my premenstrual moods, my moments of crazy when I am being dramatic, my quirks and I know that no matter what happens I feel their unconditional love and support. They know when my buttons have been pushed; they know what to say at the perfect time and most importantly when I need a big fat hug to make everything better again. They know when my limits have been pushed, when I haven’t had enough sleep, when I am hungry and no matter what they always encourage me to be the best version of me.

I feel so lucky to have this support and know for me this is such an important part of life. They are truly my family who I love dearly and I know how much I am loved and appreciated right back. I am so grateful for the friendship, the laughter, the way we look after one another and for being in such an awesome place to work. I only work for people who respect and honour their employees. Blessed be and so it is and so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo

20. Every evening I write down ten things I am grateful for, and watch my blessings increase.

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This is such a great exercise and not one that I have done for some time. I feel grateful every day of my life but I have not wrote down what I am grateful for as a daily exercise for some time. When I separated almost two years ago, one of the things I began was a 28 gratitude journal. I really felt that it helped me through one of the toughest times of my life. It put stuff into perspective and allowed me to focus on all that I had rather what I had felt that I had lost. So I will begin this again right now. I am grateful for the bees that pollenate and give us life.

  1. I am grateful for the beautiful butterflies that I can see fluttering.
  2. I am grateful for my eyes because of all that they allow me to see and do.
  3. I am grateful that I have a beautiful home to live in and that keeps me safe.
  4. I am grateful that I have been able to cook today because it means that I am abundant and am able to eat whenever I choose.
  5. I am grateful that I was able to sit, relax and chat with my mum today.
  6. I am grateful that I have clean drinking water to drink
  7. I am grateful for the big hug that my little sister gave me and her beautiful smile.
  8. I am grateful that I have a job to go to tomorrow that I love.
  9. I am grateful that I am alive.
  10.  I am grateful for my brain.

Sometime in life we simply forget about the simple pleasures of life and what true pleasure they bring us. I really like what the affirmation today feels like for me right now. Sometimes we go to bed with thoughts scurrying around in our minds and we  toss and turn before we find sleep. Writing down ten things each time before you go to sleep feels like a beautiful way to complete a day.

Having a grateful heart for all we experience in life is one of the most treasured gifts. Feeling gratitude for all that we have been taught especially those who may have taught us tough life lessons is truly liberating. I was driving through my old neighbourhood the other day and my ex came into my mind. I actually felt love and was so grateful for the wings he has now allowed me to have in my life. The end of our relationship was such a gift and I felt real gratitude for him and the purpose that he had in my journey. It made me smile. It was a reminder that no matter what life presents us with we can choose to focus on the negative or we can delve in and find the silver lining. Every evening I write down ten things I am grateful for, and watch my blessings increase. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

Sonia

Xoo