10.What is your why?

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I watched the movie Collateral Beauty a few days ago. It is one of those movies that leaves you pondering and for me wiping my tears and snot from my face. There were so many profound lessons and moments that I took away, and for parts of it I am still processing the dynamics. It was about connection of life and the interpretation of time, death and love. Within it there was the collateral beauty of what it all brings and perception of what life truly means and is.

Life is so much about connection and without it out we lay dormant.  For me right now I have made a decision to relocate to another state. In just under a short month I will move to Queensland. So what is my why?  I feel like it is time to challenge myself to a place where for most of the time the skies are blue and I don’t have to wear 4 layers of clothing to feel warm. Ok so that is not the only reason. For me connection is so much more and right now at this time I am not feeling it in Melbourne. I am so blessed with an abundance of family and friends and for 42 years I have called it home but I just feel like there is more. When we truly connect to who we are and what we are here to do with this one precious life we are in flow.

Life changes and for most of the time it just is. It presents us with challenges and hurdles that we wish we could simply F*&k right off. It is what we do with these moments that ultimately shape us to the people we are and the role that we play in our world. We can either choose to feel like we have been hard done by or we can turn it around and live from a place of harmony and joy. It doesn’t mean that it will be easy for we cannot have one without the other. We would never know joy if we did not experience pain. We shy away from pain and the feelings that bring us the most discomfort because we feel like it is too hard to go there. We connect with others through our emotions and experiences.  If we are not delving into the depth of our soul, connection waivers and perhaps we are only half living.

So when I reflect on this next chapter of my life instead of analysing the crap out of what if, I simply say to myself why not? Am I fearful of the next chapter and moving to another state away from everything that I have ever known? Absoufuckinlutley! But you know what I am more afraid of not going and never knowing.  What I do know is what life has taught me so far. It has taught me to take risks, to know that life is measured by the love we give and most importantly to be of service to precious humanity. To be kind and loyal to one another, even in the moments of distaste and injustice.  Actions of destruct are never OK nor are they pleasant. What I have come to understand is that hurt people, hurt people and where there are so many disharmonies we simply must be peace. What I do know is that my why is simply to be love living and to find the beauty of all that is. Blessed be and so it is.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day

 

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxoxo

6. Collect moments not things.

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I have just spent almost 3 weeks in Italy with my dad. The quote or saying “collect moments not things” has been one that has certainly played through my mind more than often. As the last day comes to a close the goodbyes are certainly difficult to endure.  I may have done my part in the area of Italian leather boots, but what I have loved the most are the moments that have captured my heart. I have loved meeting my cousins and I have so many!! My dad is one of 11 siblings so to say the least the number of family members overwhelms me.

I have loved meeting some cousins for the first time and others that I saw about 11 years ago. Most are in my age bracket and there is a connection with some beyond words. I have loved establishing relationships with my dad’s brothers and sisters as an adult and have felt an overwhelming sense of love and kinship that will be etched deeply within my heart. Speaking to cousins with an understanding that we have travelled similar experiences has created love that contains no boundaries of time and space. A depth of understanding that comes from a place that is shared and understood.

I initially had some reservations about travelling with dad. I wondered how we would get along and whether we would at all. After all we have a somewhat “typical” father daughter relationship and tend to bicker – just because we can. What I have loved is that I have learnt to understand him as man, an individual before he became my dad. I have understood his courage and resilience more than ever. His life was one that was led with scarcity. I have heard him say time and time again that life may have been tough but there was a unity that existed amongst the community that is no longer. So when I refer to collect moments and not things I can certainly take on the lessons that I have learnt on what has been an adventure and an avalanche of emotions. They have cascaded from a place that I did not know existed but they now take a special place in my heart in life.

To sum up the three weeks in a blog does not do it any justice. Instead what I can take away are the moments that have captured my heart. The goodbyes have been bittersweet. The extremities of the arrivals and departures are ones that are heart opening. I know that there is a love that didn’t exist before and a heartfelt pain that comes with distance and loss. I have captured moments and memories that are beyond anything that can ever be spoken and only felt. To collect moments with my dad on this trip to his motherland has been beyond what I could have ever imagined. Collect moments, not things. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE LOVE

 

Sonia

oxoxxo

5. “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip Toe if you must, but take the step.”

 

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(Dad & I)

I have been in Italy for the last week or so. Dad and I have travelled back to his motherland so he has the opportunity to see his family. When I saw the quote for today I thought about him at 72 years of age and making the decision to travel. I don’t really need an excuse to travel or explore so when the opportunity presented itself I was more than happy to go with him. It certainly hasn’t been a holiday where there has been lots of sightseeing of “things” but what I have encountered are lessons that will always remain.

From the moment we began our trip together I have loved watching my dad and all that he encounters along the way. It is funny that at some point in your life the roles of parenting reverse. This can be confronting but it can also be a time where the opportunity is one where growth is paramount. Dad hadn’t been inside an international airport for almost 30 years and he was in awe and captivated by what he saw. I admit there was some trepidation about travelling with my dad. At times we have a typical father\daughter relationship but for most of the time he is simply my dad. Watching him with fresh eyes and not just as my “dad” has been a lesson of empathy and compassion.

Dad was born and raised in a small town in Calabria. The main town in which we have spent our time has a population of almost 1,000 people. I am from Melbourne, Australia so one can imagine the contrast and extremities of difference. I have loved watching dad in his surroundings and being reunited with family and friends that he hasn’t seen for almost 30 years.  It is a feeling beyond words and one in which has allowed me to understand my dad in a way I have not known before.

For him especially making a small step and deciding to reunite with his siblings has meant so much more. His journey will always belong to him and whatever needs to take place for him will. For me this small step has allowed me to be in a space that I have not felt before. Usually consumed and challenged with time and a lengthy to do list, I have been forced to slow down and just be.

I have loved the serenity and mindfulness of being in each moment. The art of detachment in drama is one in which I am learning the most. After all Italian families and drama can inevitably go hand in hand. I am savouring in life lessons of what is important and what matters most. Being open and present is important especially when Italian is not my native language. The freedom of simplicity is bliss and one in which I value most. Sometimes the smallest times allows the greatest lessons to be learnt. “Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip Toe if you must, but take the step”. Blessed be.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE LOVE

Sonia

xoxo

4. “Love leads us home”

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This saying has popped up a few times in the last few weeks. So when it came across my vision the other day I took it as a sign to “blog” about. When life is moving along with all things happy and daisy chains it is relatively easy to come from a place of love. It is when life throws us those curveballs and the hurdles present that leading life with an open heart can pose a little more difficult. This is where the real challenge lies. Well it does for me anyway. When I am angry, frustrated or sad I can throw love right out the window. Hopefully it is not too long before I pull over and pick up where I left off.

Yesterday I was reminded about living love with an open heart. Interestingly enough it was a tragic event that allowed me to really feel it. I can be quite oblivious about current news events. I don’t read the paper nor do I watch the news. I do however believe that when I am meant to hear something I will. I was at mums and dads and the news was on. The images were sprawled across the TV. The screen was filled with children fighting for their lives. They were choking and lying lifeless on the ground whilst parents scurrying with their limp child in their arms in the hope to save them. It was utter fear and havoc. The images were horrific beyond belief and ones that as much as I wanted to turn away from I couldn’t. There was a chemical warfare in Syria and the devastation continues to transpire on a daily basis. The loss of humanity is unbearable.

I later posted the clip to Facebook and of course it brought up a lot for stuff for people. Naturally it would. There was blame, sadness and not wanting to watch the horror that was presented. It is not about judgement. It is not about being right or wrong about what one person feels to the next. Rather for me it was about the quote that I came across. How does lead us home when there is so much injustice? How do we stay in a place of love when all we are exposed to is such a cruel and inhumane loss of lives?

What I do know is that I was a lot more conscious of my own thoughts. I didn’t feel like going into blame, nor did I go to an angry place instead I turned it around and thought about what can I do differently? Sure I can’t get on a plane and physically be in Syria and to be perfectly honest nor do I want to. Instead what I can do is to create more peace in the world that I live. After I posed the clip a friend suggested a “prayer\mediation” night. Perfect as a collective we are far more powerful than as individuals. It is only through love that we can conquer otherwise we are in the same vibration as the act itself. Whilst it is tragic beyond comprehension, I don’t want to waste time or energy that serves no purpose. Instead I can turn my attention out and create more peace and love. It is the true essence of love that leads us home. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.

 

With a sprinkle of love and may magic follow your day,

 

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxoxo

3.YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

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I tossed and turned about which affirmation calendar to write from today.  I was possibly avoiding the one that I am writing about as it is a topic that I have struggled with for many years. One that constantly needs reaffirming and re connecting with. How grand life would be if we were simply taught how to love ourselves. Instead we are labelled and have a constant disposition to compare ourselves to others. We can often be our own worst critic and it sucks. I’ve just turned 41 and it took me a really long time to accept my inner goddess and beauty.

Ex partners didn’t necessarily help the cause either. I could sit and blame them for all the inappropriate things that were ever said but that would say more about me than it would them. I stayed in unloving relationships because I simply didn’t love myself enough to walk away. The lessons have been harsh and some have taken me years to unpack and really learn. It sometimes takes me a while.

It was only the other night when I was with a friend, in a public toilet where we decided to have a conversation about beauty. I am sure I looked super attractive in the wee hours of Sunday morning after having had a significant amount of white wine. I am super convinced we would have sounded really rational and coherent (not). My point is that even after all this time stuff still comes up about beauty. I know I am a compassionate, kind and loving person but I was never taught to feel beautiful. I was never called beautiful so when I hear it now I find it difficult to allow myself to hear it. After so many white wines, my beautiful girlfriend allowed me to feel into the crap that I had been burying. Ok so the scene may not have been the most eloquent but you know what, it worked.

So it has taken me such a long time to realise and understand what it means to be beautiful. It is not necessarily about being “pretty”. Anyone can be pretty, instead for me it is about recognising boundaries. Treating myself with kindness and compassion first and foremost, being of service to humanity. It is about not having to adhere or accept untoward actions of another. It is to know that it is not my responsibility but instead theirs to accept their own journey and fate.

So when I sit and write about the affirmation “You are beautiful” there is so much more that what we see, most importantly it is what we feel. It is not just teaching young women to feel beautiful but for all of humanity to feel beautiful within themselves.  Imagine a world where this was possible. If we all felt and lived through beauty what a wonderful world it would be. You are beautiful. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done.Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxox

80. I am spirit, light, energy, vibration and love.

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As the end of the year fast approaches it is an opportune time to reflect and as humans we want to start fresh, create new goals, and take a new direction. This year for me was filled with many life lessons, some were awesome and some were filled with pain and grief. Friendships severed and new ones have blossomed. New jobs have taken place and old ones have ceased. Family members have left our realm and new ones are being born. It is all part of being spirt, light energy vibration colour and love.

When I feel into what the year has been for me it is especially about growth and grief. I never really felt that the two could coincide but they have. What brings great comfort is feeling that our loved are also spirit, light, energy, vibration colour and eternal love. They never really leave; I believe they simply take on another form. They leave us messages and signs and it is what we learn from these experiences that live in our hearts forever and then some.

Our human bodies are simply a vessel in which we travel around from lifetime to lifetime. We are neither our bodies, nor the colour of our skin or the shape or size that our human form takes on. Rather it is what is inside of us that make us who we truly are. On that note what I also remind myself to understand is that we are all the same.  This is particularly important when we have differences with another or when a drama has presented in our lives. We were all born from a being of light, energy, vibration and love. It is what we have been taught along the way that has allowed us to be the beings that exist at this moment.

At times we are ravaged with stress, drama, pain, grief turmoil. The list can go on and on. That is not to say that these feelings cannot exist. Of course they can and they do. Instead it is how they play out in our lives. We can manifest in the turmoil and the angst of the situation, or we can understand that we are all the same and leading to a path where we are able to return home to love.

I have had quite a few situations this year where I have been challenged by drama. It is a work in progress and compassion would have to be my biggest lesson. Sometimes it is the lesson of letting situations and people go and this can be really tough. It is to love yourself enough to know that you are worthy living a life of magnificence and bliss. The bumps and turns along the way make it an interesting read but it is important not to get caught up in the story. I know for me this affirmation is an awesome reminder to truly let go of the drama of the year that I have been hanging onto. It doesn’t mean that the action of another is less painful rather it is understanding that we all learn at different times and you choose how you wish the story to unfold. I am spirit, light, energy, vibration and love. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE love

Sonia

xxx

74. I no longer wait to be in perfect in order to love myself. I choose to love myself as I am, right here and right now.

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I know that there is certainly no mistake or coincidence that the burst of energy I have just received to write, is because it is the exact conversation I was having earlier with a friend. It is the reminder that I needed to hear, the lesson my soul yearned to feel and to celebrate the imperfect glorious mess that I am.

We are often our own worst enemy and as clichés as that may sound it is so true. Why is it that we feel we are only loveable when we are happy and satisfied with the way life is working out for us? Why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves when we are going through the slippery slide of mess, dishevelment and the crazy that is going on in our head?

There are potentially a million reasons why we choose to not love ourselves! It is our childhood, the person that broke our heart, blah blah blah the list can go and on. Sure these can certainly be contributing factors to our self-esteem and worth. Ultimately if we truly had this love for ourselves it wouldn’t matter or we would not have ended up in that situation to begin with.

One of the reasons I believe is that we were never actually taught how to. I don’t recall any teacher standing up in the front of a classroom teaching us self-love and self-worth. Perhaps it is a lesson that is learnt through pain, heartbreak and grief. I am no guru and I don’t have any self-fulfilling prophecies for you. One thing I do know is that the lesson of self-love comes up for me time and time again. Just when I think I have got it, whoosh the universe presents me with a little dash of something and I feel I have been flung back like a rubber band about to be propelled to the dismalness of self-loathing.

So why do we find it so difficult to love ourselves and wait for the perfect scenario to do so. “Well when I have the perfect job, relationship, lover then I will truly be able to love myself” What a croc of crap! The void that we want another to fill is dangerous and when we seek external factors self-love is absent.

Love for self is honouring and worshipping the total glorious, shadow, weird and wacky self. To find the gifts of gratitude beneath from the depths of our murkiness is love. I spent so much of my 41 years appeasing to what I thought would make me more loveable. Now I know that embracing all of me can only attract more of the same in my life. Fortunately or unfortunately the lessons of loving self came at a cost, but it is up to me to choose to love that part as well right here and right now. So you may not have your “shit” together. Who cares? Love all of your right now because you are imperfectly perfect just the way you are. I no longer wait to be in perfect in order to love myself. I choose to love myself as I am, right here and right now. Blessed be and so it is so it is done. Namaste.

 

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

 

HUGE love

Sonia

xoxox

To “Let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

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When I sat down today to write my blog I hadn’t quite expected what was going to come up. Life has a funny way of revealing itself to you at the most opportune and serendipitous moments. As I read the affirmation today I can recall past conversations especially about my last relationship. I can hear myself saying “I regret convincing myself that I didn’t want to have children” when deep down I discovered I would have welcomed being a mum with open arms. I have caught myself saying “ I regret not loving myself enough to leave a relationship that was not in alignment with who I was” A lot of bloody regret right there I reckon and judging by the way my stomach is churning whilst I am writing, I am gathering it doesn’t do a whole lot for your cellular body either.

When I go into my heart space it simply makes me feel sad and justifiably so. This has been an issue that with time and healing is one that has unmistakably allowed me to grow in so many other areas of my life. What I have come to terms with is that I may not be a biological mum in this time and whatever will be simply will. In the process I love and embrace my role as Zia to my kooky, inspiring, compassionate and amazing nephews and nieces.

So for me now it is all about perception and truly not feeling regret for past decisions. Even as I type the word regret the vibration feels shitty and dull. Instead what I opt is to fully embrace the lessons and amazing experiences that I have been able to delve into because of a relationship that did not serve me.

Whether or not I am a biological mum in this lifetime is irrelevant, rather for me it is about the love that I am able to share with others is most prevalent. I have worked in child protection over my community services career. There have been plenty of children who are born to parents who simply through lack of love of self cannot love another and this is truly sad. I know now through the learning of relationships that didn’t serve me I have a lot of love to give. So how can I have regret when I have learnt to love without conditions?

Whilst this one has been a tough and sad lesson for me that I am embracing the silver lining. It is about teaching and inspiring others to fully feel into their heart space and to be in relationships where love is unconditional. For unconditional love is the purest love of all and once you have discovered that love for yourself you are only able to attract the same. To “Let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. Blessed be and so it is so it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE love

Sonia

xx

 

71. I open my heart to more love every day.

10678814_842985172415261_342011186849713926_nWhen I sit and reflect about what the affirmation means for me today the first thing that comes to mind are the relationships that I have had with men in the last twenty or so years. I could sit here and say that they have been a string of “bad luck”. Instead I choose to connect to them from a different perspective and know that they have in fact been my greatest teachers and taught me some pretty big lessons in life. I have had two main loves in my life and seeing as my “status” is single clearly they haven’t worked for me. Now it would be easy to go a “man bashing” rampage but that doesn’t really float my boat. Men are equally as beautiful as women and we attract what we need to learn from each relationship we encounter.

Yes I am an independent self-sufficient woman but that does not mean that I don’t desire a relationship with the perfect partner. I have been happily single for the last two and half years and yes there are times where I crave male company but there is nothing worse about being in a relationship and being lonely. I have had a few interesting encounters with men over the last few years and each have allowed me to grow and learn that little bit more. There is not necessarily good or bad instead it is what we take away from each experience that matters the most.

I know there are parts of me that still at times feel inadequate, not good enough blah blah blah but it is all a story that I am not really interested in talking about anymore. So when I reflect on opening my heart to more love yes it is about attracting the perfect partner but also about loving myself including the parts that don’t at times feel loveable.

At times we attract some not so nice relationships. This is simply because we ourselves are not such in great places. I know the insecurities that played out in my relationships were in fact the insecurities that I needed to identify within myself, to be acknowledged and finally healed. That doesn’t mean that one day I woke up, waved a magic wand and abracadabra it was all gone. Far out it has been a work in progress and still is.

I would love nothing more than to share my life with a beautiful life partner that has the same values and desires as I do. That being of service is one of importance, to live from a compassionate, kind, heart and to love unconditionally. I truly don’t believe I have known that love before. That is simply because I have never had the love for myself so how can I expect that from another. So when I open my heart to more love, yes it is about loving and accepting myself but to say yes to love and to know that we are all imperfectly perfect just the way we are. I love love!  I open my heart to more love every day. Blessed be and so it is. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE Love

Sonia

xx

70. In the infinity of Life where I am, all is perfect whole and complete.

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In life at times it seems that we always seem to be striving to something. When “this” happens we will do “that” or when we have that house, car, whatever life will be good. We tend to work on the exterior and superficial stuff more than we do our inner selves forgetting that we are the precious asset of all. Loving self and recognising that we are imperfectly perfect can be one of the toughest lessons that I have had to learn. There are times where I still treat myself harshly but the difference these days is that I recognise it.

How do we recognise when life is whole perfect and complete. For me it is about accepting each moment as imperfectly perfect no matter what the situation or outcome. As humans we make things right and wrong, we judge, berate and condemn ourselves and others, not the most loving way to live. What I have truly learnt in this lifetime is that my world is simply a reflection of what is going on for me. So rather than blame everything else I step back, take personal responsibility and understand that the pain, grief, sadness is perfect whole and complete. What it then does is allow the situation to be transformed into a life lesson where we can grow and learn.

For the last few months life for me has been chaotic, felt stressful at times and required a sense of faith and trust that I had not quite yet explored. I didn’t sit back with a daisy chain around my head wearing a peace sign (as much as I would have loved to) instead I learnt a lot of life’s lessons. I can now reflect and get that no matter where I am it is perfect and whole. It certainly didn’t feel like it at the time because as much as I wanted to be chilled out and cool I had an stirring restlessness about not feeling “good enough”, “incapable”, “rejected” as I was not getting work in the areas that I truly desired. So instead of loving myself as much as I perhaps would have liked to, I judged and condemned. Not a great move as I spent most of the time with flat energy and no desire to be around people.  Gotta love those lessons!

So today is an awesome reminder that where I am is exactly where I am meant to be. I know the universe orchestrates its synchronicity beautifully even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. Life is infinite and we are certainly here on earth for a short time. Why we make it so hard on ourselves is something that I can never quite understand? I certainly feel that the more we learn to love ourselves and embrace ALL of who we are the easier the lessons become. Our lessons are our life’s instruments to create the music to soothe our soul. Sometimes we need a friendly shove from the universe to remind us that we are imperfectly perfect just the way we are. In the infinity of Life where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete. Blessed be and so it is. So it is done. Namaste.

With a sprinkle of fairy dust and may magic follow your day.

HUGE love

Sonia

xxo